Making Peace With Your Past

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself he becomes wise ~Alden Nowlan


Are regrets, bad memories, or losses keeping you from enjoying each new day? Is the past keeping you from moving into the future with hope and anticipation?

I recently heard a man say that it was not until he made peace with his past that he truly began to live. It changed his life so dramatically that everyone noticed there was something different about him. It was not until 20 years after losing his father that he began to grieve the loss for the first time. He finally allowed himself to face his past with all the anger and pain. There was so much that he missed out on. There were lost opportunities and things that would never be, so many regrets, poor choices, and bad experiences that would affect the rest of his life.

This man went through a process of acceptance and forgiveness. He felt the pain. He felt the anger. He mourned what was and could have been. And then, he released it. He made peace with his past, and he was ready to move on with his life. Suddenly, new opportunities before him became exciting. He began to fully appreciate what he had, the people in his life, and what he had become. He began to hope for a better and brighter future. He was ready to give more of himself to others. And he began to enjoy his life more and more.

For the first time since he could remember, he felt free—free of burdens from the past, free of unresolved pain, free of bitterness and self-pity. He was free indeed! He was free to enjoy his life, his family, and all that he had like never before. The past would no longer steal his joy and hope. It could not hold him back, and it was not going to keep him down any longer.

Is your past keeping you from fully enjoying your life? Sometimes we do not stop and think about it. Just like the man described above, we might have regrets, unresolved pain, sorrow, anger, or unforgiveness. These things keep us bound to the past. The past does not have to negatively influence our future. We can release it as we face it, deal with the emotions, come to accept what was and now is, and forgive our past.

Making peace with our past will lead us to experience healing, wholeness, and freedom to live our life with true joy. Every day is a new day to appreciate and enjoy. We do not have to allow our past to keep us from being truly happy today. Choose to be free and take the necessary steps to be free now. (We might want to have a professional counselor help us go through this process.)

Following are questions to reflect on and steps to take in making peace with our past:

1. Face your past. What are your regrets? What caused or still causes you pain? What are your losses? Have you grieved them?

2. Face your feelings. Does your past make you angry, sad, feel bad about yourself, bitter, damaged, cheated?

3. Forgive your past. Do you have any bitterness, hatred, or unforgiveness towards anyone (including yourself)? Why are you holding on to it? What would it take for you to release it and free yourself from its control in your life?

4. Accept your past. When we cannot change something, the healthiest thing we can do is accept it. Can you accept your past? What have you learned from it? How can it change you for the better?

5. Make peace with your past and be free. When your past no longer controls your life—your peace, your hope, attitude, relationships, ability to love others, give and share of yourself, dream, believe, and trust once again, then you are free!

It is my hope that this has helped you in making peace with your past, and in looking forward to better days ahead!

Krystal

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Four Steps to a New Perspective

Recently I had to take on a new responsibility that I was not too pleased with. Actually, I had a bad attitude about it. Once I realized that nothing was going to change unless I did, I decided to change my perspective. I thought about this quote:

You can either complain that rose bushes have thorns - or rejoice that thorn bushes have roses.

I decided that I would stop complaining and do something about it. This is what I did:

1. Stop indulging in frustration and complaining.

2. Accept what I cannot change.

3. Change what I can change--my attitude and perspective.
I began to look at the good things in this new situation. To my surprise, I was able to list some benefits.

4. Have a good attitude.
A good attitude kept me from focusing on what I didn't like or want. Instead I thought about how I could make the best of the situation and deal with it better. I found that I could still be happy even though things didn't go my way. And, I didn't have to give in to feelings of frustration and discontentment.


The power of perspective is amazing. It can completely change your attitude and mood. Awhile back I wrote an article about the importance of our perspective, and the freedom to choose what we think and focus on. I hope it reminds you to see the good in today.


Today is a New Day and it is good, Krystal

For more on perspective, check out this fun page: http://behappy4life.com/newperspective.html


Do You See The Clouds or Sunshine? It's Your Choice
Mirror Newspaper, Dec. 15, 2005, Vol. 2, Number 15
by Krystal Kuehn

“What a beautiful, sunny day,” I thought when I awoke this morning. “It’s going to be a good day!” I got out of bed with a new energy and a good attitude. Then I began to wonder, what is it about today that’s different from the past several days? Well, it was cloudy most every other morning until this morning. What a difference sunshine can make! Actually, as I pondered this, I came to realize that it is so much more than that. What it really comes down to is a choice. Notice that I had determined in my mind that it was going to be a good day. Every day and every hour, it is up to us to decide how we’re going to respond to situations, people, problems and plans.

External factors can have the power to influence us, lead us to feel pressured, or respond out of habit only in accordance to how much we allow them to. And that’s just it. How much will we allow them to? We have a free will. That leaves us with a responsibility to choose the good, true, just, and lovely if we want to enjoy our lives. Even the desire to break out of old, negative patterns requires us to make a choice. Ultimately, we are in control of our choices and attitudes.

Another key point that determined the good attitude I had for the day was the expression of my heartfelt gratitude as I enjoyed the beauty of the brightness from the sun. A heart of gratitude always improves our attitude. A grateful heart keeps our focus on the good in people, the possibilities, and the simple enjoyment and refreshing that can come from the things we so often take for granted.

Regardless of the weather or any other external factors, keeping our focus right will help us maintain a healthy attitude of hope and expectation of good things to come. The warmth of the sun, the brightness of its light, the shimmer of its beauty never changes. Clouds can block it but can’t take it away.

The next time the clouds threaten to take your sunshine away, remember that it is shining just as bright as ever. You don’t have to wait for the clouds to lift to experience its warmth or to appreciate its beauty. Let it remind you that God’s mercies are new every morning. He doesn’t change like the weather or people or situations do. He is always there to brighten up even your darkest day. His light will help you to see that there is hope no matter what the situation. The warmth of His love will wrap around you and keep you safe in His care. You can rejoice and be glad for this is the day the Lord has made and He wants you to enjoy it!

Copyright 2006 Kuehn

Freedom Is Not Free

Memorial Day is a special day of reflection, a time of gratitude and honor for all the men and women who served and sacrificed their lives for this great nation, and for all our veterans and the U.S. Military. Thank you ! I am so thankful for this amazing country. As a first generation American, I have been brought up in a home of very patriotic parents. My parents always said that America is the greatest country in the world. They know first-hand how oppressive a government can be. Coming to America was a dream come true for them. I have learned from them just how priceless freedom is. So I am thankful and proud to be an American. I love the USA! Following I have posted one of my very favorite patriotic songs. The lyrics are below. You will also find a poem on Freedom. God bless you and....

God bless America, Krystal


The greatest glory of a free-born people is to transmit that freedom to their children.
-William Havard


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RssIN3ustUw

Remember 9/11
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZIApwWq1AU&NR=1

God Bless The U.S.A.
by Lee Greenwood

If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I’d worked for all my life.
And I had to start again,with just my children and my wife.
I’d thank my lucky stars,to be livin here today.
Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

From the lakes of Minnesota,to the hills of Tennessee.
Across the plains of Texas,From sea to shining sea.
From Detroit down to Houston,and New York to L.A.
Well there's pride in every American heart,
and its time we stand and say.

That I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,next to you and defend her still today.
Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land, God bless the USA.

And I’m proud to be and American,where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,next to you and defend her still today.
Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,God bless the USA.


FREEDOM ISNT FREE
by Kelly Strong

I watched the flag pass by one day.
It fluttered in the breeze.
A young Marine saluted it,
and then he stood at ease.
I looked at him in uniform
So young, so tall, so proud,
He'd stand out in any crowd.
I thought how many men like him
Had fallen through the years.
How many died on foreign soil?
How many mothers' tears?
How many pilots' planes shot down?
How many died at sea?
How many foxholes were soldiers' graves?

No, freedom isn't free.
I heard the sound of TAPS one night,
When everything was still
I listened to the bugler play
And felt a sudden chill.
I wondered just how many times
That TAPS had meant "Amen,"
When a flag had draped a coffin
Of a brother or a friend.I thought of all the children,
Of the mothers and the wives,
Of fathers, sons and husbands
With interrupted lives.
I thought about a graveyard
At the bottom of the sea
Of unmarked graves in Arlington.
No, freedom isn't free.

Addictions: How to Break Bad Habits

Alcohol, drugs, smoking, and food are what we think of when we hear the word addiction. But, they are not the only things we get addicted to. Oftentimes, other unhealthy habits lead to these more common addictions. That is what I have addressed below:

Alcohol and drug use can lead to problems with addiction if unhealthy or excessive drinking patterns develop. What might start out as social drinking or casual use can soon become a habit. For example, if you drink every time you get together with friends at the bowling alley, it will soon become a habit. That does not necessarily mean it will lead to drinking problems, but I want to address how patterns and habits can develop quickly and easily. This led me to think about how this applies to relationship problems as well as depression, anxiety, and other problems.

Relationship interactions often fall into repeated patterns of behavior. Sometimes it is easy to predict how someone is going to react in any given situation based on previous behavior. And there might not be a good reason to think it will be any different. The behavior has become a habit or dysfunctional pattern. For example, whenever Andy asks for feedback from Kim and she provides some constructive criticism, he gets defensive and accuses her of trying to put him down. Jen does not like to be ignored when she asks Dave to pick up his clothes off the floor, so she gets irritable and short-tempered. Dave asks her to stop nagging him. They end up bickering back and forth. The patterns continue. The tension grows. No one does anything any different so things do not get better until someone decides to do something to break the cycle.

If you have ever struggled with an addiction, you know first hand how difficult it is to break the control it can have on every aspect of your life. And you would most likely want to be free of the addiction. Maybe you do not have problems with drinking, drugs, or smoking. It is highly probable that you know someone who does struggle with these problems. However, I would ask you:

How about negative thinking patterns, disrespect, impatience, angry outbursts, unkindness, criticism, gossip, taking offense, cussing, bitterness, negative self-labeling, pessimism, and the list goes on? Do these things get out of control? Do they become addictive and difficult to break free from? I believe they are, and as a result they contribute to all sorts of emotional, relational, and social problems.

I encourage you to think about any patterns or habits in your life that cause you personal or relational problems. They can be just as serious and destructive as the more commonly known addiction problems. Maybe you never saw it that way before.

For tools on how to replace old habits with new ones, check out activities on how to change the way you think at: http://behappy4life.com/lowselfesteem.html

To improve you relationships and communication patterns, I highly recommend the Love and Relationships Workshop. In it you will find helpful activities and information to communicate love in a highly effective way that will significantly improve your relationships. http://behappy4life.com/lovingothers.html

I love the The BeHappy4Life.com motto: Choose happiness now, practice happiness every day, make happiness a lifestyle.

If you want to break some bad habits, I encourage you to take do something about it now. You can make choices to change your lifestyle for the better today!

All the best, Krystal