We Can Live Above Problems

I am thankful that we can live above problems.

I notice that dwelling on problems makes them seem bigger than they really are. Molehills look like insurmountable mountains. Delays suddenly appear as dead ends. Annoyances are interpreted as personal attacks. We can make ourselves miserable by focusing on what is wrong, uncomfortable or frustrating. Having learned how quickly this causes me to lose my joy and peace of mind, I make it a point to refocus as quickly as I can on possibilities and positive outcomes. I can cope with the molehills. I can see myself on the other side of the mountain. Delays may test my patience, but I can pass this test. They might motivate me to make alternate plans. I can recall times when delays have turned out to be blessings in disguise. Annoyances do not have to spoil my mood or bring out the worst in me. Some people get so upset if a driver cuts them off that they start cursing and their blood pressure soars. It takes some time afterwards to calm down and shake off the agitation. There will always be people and situations that will bother us or push our buttons. We cannot control it, but we can control how we react and whether or not we will focus on the problem or sensible solutions. I want to remain hopeful when I face problems. I will seek out answers and solutions, but if I do not have any, I will not give up. I will see myself as an overcomer and continue to believe and pray for direction and answers until I have what I need. I am thankful that as I focus on the possibilities and trust that things will work out, problems and cares of this world cannot keep me down.


Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn. NewDayCounseling.org and BeHappy4Life.com

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a couples counseling and children counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & inspiration, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy!

Relationship Advice: Love is...Humble

True expressions of love are said to come from a source which lies beneath words and thoughts. ~W. Timothy Gallwey

A humble person is certainly a pleasant person to be around and that is because humble people are not self-centered or self-seeking. They are modest and not at all arrogant or boastful. They do not draw attention to themselves, but they are drawn to others. They do not need praise and approval to feel good about themselves. When they are overlooked, they are not driven by frustration to make themselves known. When their good intentions are ridiculed, they are able to keep from retaliating. They can humbly submit to one of less stature than themselves if necessary without rebellion or resentment.

Humility is love unseen. It is love that is veiled and not directly recognized, yet humility is motivated by love. A person who is genuinely humble doesn’t think they are better or more important than other people. They have proper respect for everyone regardless of who they are or what they have done. That doesn’t mean that they allow others to take advantage of them. Nor does it mean that they lack confidence and fear asserting themselves. Sometimes people confuse humility with weakness and blind compliance. Or even assume that someone who degrades themselves is a humble person. This is certainly not the case. It takes great strength to live a life of humility.

Humility communicates love. Humble people are:

Ready to admit when they are wrong

Able to say they are sorry

Not afraid to ask for help when they need it

Patient when misunderstood

Not fearful of what others think about them

Confident in who they are and don’t feel a need to prove themselves

Teachable and willing to learn from their mistakes

Not judgmental of others or backbiters

Not easily offended

Most people find it difficult to humble themselves or even admit when they have been humbled. It can be extremely uncomfortable and it hurts our pride. It is so much easier to defend ourselves and blame others, and to exalt and try to prove ourselves. Humility is certainly a challenge to most people. It can be a real stumbling block in our love walk, or it can become a stepping stone to greater love if we will allow it to be.... continue


Copyright © 2006 Kuehn. All Rights Reserved.
Love is Humble is Part 7 of The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships


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David Letterman recently made a public confession and apology to his wife and staff. He said his wife “has been horribly hurt by my behavior, and when something happens like that, if you hurt a person and it's your responsibility, you try to fix it." What do you think?

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Anger Management: What Are You So Angry About, Really?

When you strike out in anger, you might miss the other person, but you will always hit yourself. ~Jim Gallery

Striking out with angry words is the cause of so many relationship problems. Words are powerful. They can encourage, strengthen, and change destinies. They can also destroy potential and robs us of hope and peace. Most major fires begin with just a small flame. Before long the fire spreads and becomes more and more difficult to contain. It damages or completely destroys everything in its path. Do we realize how quickly unmanaged anger can do significant damage? And as the quote above humorously expresses, anger always hurts the angry person. Sometimes even more so than those to whom it is directed. That is because we cannot have both peace and bitterness in our hearts. An angry person loses his or her peace and joy. Anger obstructs the expression of love, and without love there is no true happiness.

We all get angry. It is inevitable. But, not all anger is bad. We have heard stories of people who have made major contributions to society, fought against injustices, and made positive life changes as they were motivated by righteous anger. Problematic anger, on the other hand, is usually explosive, hidden, or denied. If not faced and dealt with, anger hinders our ability to have healthy and loving relationships.

So how do we deal with anger? We can begin by recognizing the underlying emotions that lead up to our negative reactions such as feelings of hurt, frustration, shame, rejection, fear, jealousy. The next time you feel angry, ask yourself What emotion is behind my anger? You may begin to see a pattern. For example, a woman gets angry every time her boyfriend is late for their meeting. She realizes that his tardiness makes her feel rejected and this leads to her angry outbursts. What is the underlying problem that needs to be addressed? Rejection. How about the boyfriend who expresses his anger by shutting down when his girlfriend tries to engage him in conversation? As he identifies the pattern, he realizes that he feels jealous every time she talks to other guys. He tries to hide his anger and does not express his feelings to her directly, so he pulls away instead.

Anger does not have to bring ruin to our lives and relationships. There are healthy and effective ways to manage it. I have briefly discussed the underlying emotions of anger and the importance of dealing with the causes. If you need more help in this area, I highly recommend participating in an anger management group. It can be an extremely supportive and helpful resource to equip you with many tools for a better life.

Above all else, may peace rule in our hearts, Krystal

Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it. ~Brian Tracy

Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com,
written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
NewDayCounseling.org

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