Children & Divorce: Overcoming Challenges & Succeeding in Life

Divorce is a major stressful event for children and adults. To children, divorce is confusing. They have so many concerns and questions about how their lives will change. They cannot control what is happening to their family, and they often think that they are responsible for their parents divorce. Strong emotions are experienced such as hurt and anger.

For adults and children, divorce is an adjustment that takes time. It is more difficult for some than others, depending on a number of factors. Conflict between parents creates more stress and difficulty for children of divorce. Support from family and friends has a significant impact on coping. Children with little support tend to feel more insecure and worried than children with a good support system.

Signs of difficulty adjusting and accepting divorce are most evident in children’s behavior. There will be changes in their normal patterns, such as irritability and angry outbursts. Some children will become more withdrawn and lose interest in activities they once enjoyed. Academic problems can also develop as a result of changes in behavior. Children experiencing depression may have difficulty focusing on their schoolwork. Aggressive behavior in children can cause problems with teachers and peers. Overall effort and motivation can wane. For this reason, it is extremely important for children of divorce to get the support and help they need to make healthy adjustments and improve coping.

Research shows that children of divorce are at higher risk for:

• academic problems
• aggressive behavior
• drug experimentation and use
• sexual activity
• relationship problems
• low self-esteem
• depression


Parents and teachers often underestimate the difficulties children of divorce face. There are many behavioral signs as listed below. Most children of divorce will experience some of these symptoms.

• regressive behavior in young children: whining, clinging, returning to security blanket, toilet training problems, thumb sucking
• sleeping problems
• fears, insecurities, worries
• withdrawal, isolation, unusually quiet
• disobedient, disrespectful to parents and authority
• aggressive, violent, or destructive behaviors
• anger, resentment, embarrassment about divorce
• physical symptoms: aches and pains, stomach problems, headaches
• academic problems: focus, truancy, declining grades, tardiness, missing assignments


Although children of divorce are at a higher risk for many problems, they can make healthy adjustments and develop a strong support system. They can begin to understand divorce and not fear its consequences. They can gain peace of mind as they learn that although life will be different, life can be good. Divorce is not the end of the world but the beginning of a new life. Children can learn how to manage their feelings and accept the challenges and new responsibilities they will have. Focus and motivation can be restored, and they can face life with greater strength and hope.

Children need support and help as they deal with the many challenges of divorce. The stress, confusion, and behavioral problems can be significantly reduced with proper and healthy intervention. Many future problems can also be prevented. Children can make a positive transition with children therapy. For children, divorce counseling can provide a strong and safe support system to help them adjust and cope. Children therapy can help them work through their many emotions, release their fears and anger, keep focused and perform their best in school, and maintain good relationships with their parents, siblings, peers, and teachers.

Divorce does not have to lead children down a dark, difficult, destructive path. Children are resilient. They can understand and adjust well. They can learn healthy ways to cope and overcome challenges. They can have peace in the midst of the storm, and love can be their anchor. Children of divorce can develop greater compassion, deeper insight, understanding and wisdom from their experience. They can become stronger and more determined as they withstand the tempest winds and tumultuous seas that threaten to overcome them. Children of divorce can and will succeed with help and support.


Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved. written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
Co-founder of New Day Counseling Services and BeHappy4Life.com




Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of New Day Counseling Services, providers of family, adolescent, children therapy and divorce counseling and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning self-help and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights, and inspiration.

5 Parenting Tips for Communicating with Children & Teens

There is nothing that adequately prepares us for the most important job there is—parenting. Children and teens do not come with an owner’s manual, and most of our training is on the job. With our own parents as our most prominent role models, we tend to repeat what we have learned about parenting from them. We do our best, learn as we go, and make our own mistakes along the way; but we don’t have to leave our parenting to chance. We can become more effective parents. We can parent with more confidence instead of frustration. Parenting can be enjoyable and rewarding instead of stressful.

Following are some parenting tips for improving communication and building healthy and respectful relationships with our children and teens.

(1) Show interest in your kids

One of the best ways to get anyone to talk is to show interest in them and what is important to them. Sports, music, or any other activity provides great ways to connect and share. Become engaged in whatever it is your child or teen enjoys. It can be anything--watching a football game together, listening to songs and talking about favorite artists, joining a video game, watching your child draw or build model cars, or helping your daughter with her hair and nails.

(2) Initiate conversations

Often parents begin conversations with a question instead of simply sharing their thoughts. Kids are more likely to engage in conversations when they do not feel they have to explain or defend themselves. Letting them know you are thinking about them and that you care about what is happening in their lives are good ways to initiate conversations. Timing is important as well. Good times to talk might be bedtime, while driving, or at dinner.

(3) Make yourself available                                                                            

Sometimes parents get so busy and don’t realize that their children feel there is no time left for them. They do not express this directly saying, “You know, I’ve been feeling neglected lately. It seems you’re so busy with everything and everyone else and don’t make time for me. And when you are with me, you seem preoccupied and distracted.” They might, instead, distance themselves or act out for some negative attention. Making time for kids can be a sacrifice, especially for very busy parents, but the investment is well worth it. Developing a good relationship with one’s children requires time—both quality time and quantity of time. Planning weekly one-on-one time with no distractions is a good idea. Kids want to know that they are important and valued. Making yourself available to them communicates this loud and clear.

(4) Be a good listener

You know you have heard someone correctly when they feel understood. One way to do this is to repeat what you think you heard back to them. They will clarify what they meant if they think you are genuinely interested and trying to understand them. Kids also need to feel safe when sharing their thoughts, with no fear of judgment, being cut off, or causing an angry reaction. It is important to resist arguments and criticism. When there are disagreements, parents can express that it is okay to disagree. Although their thoughts and feelings differ, they are not rejecting their child. Parents and their children will encounter many differences in opinion. However, being a good listener lets your children know that you understand where they are coming from without lecturing or threatening.

(5) Use words to motivate

If you see your children and teens as winners, beautiful, and full of potential, they will know it and act on it. It will show in how you treat them and what you say. As a result, they will believe in themselves as well. Your words have power. The words of a parent can motivate and empower for a lifetime. They can also discouraged and break a child’s spirit if they are negative and critical. We can all recall things our parents have said about us that we have carried with us throughout our lives, such as: I believe in you. You can do anything you set your mind to. You are so smart and creative. Or, you will never amount to anything. You do not have what it takes. You are the ugly one of the family. Let us choose our words carefully. Speaking good things over them, blessing them with our words motivates them to fulfill their purpose in life.

It is not easy parenting children and teens and knowing what to say or how to bring out the best in them. Feeling connected and getting along with our kids takes time and effort. The goods news is that parents and teens can have healthy connections that are founded upon trust and unconditional love. The parenting tips provided above are a good start to better communication and a more rewarding parenting experience. For more tips or help with problems, parents may benefit from parenting classes or family counseling.

Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn. NewDayCounseling.org

Children need love, especially when they don’t deserve it. ~anonymous

Love is the greatest gift that one generation can leave to another. ~Richard Garnett

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher and musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling Services, a couples, family counseling and child teen counseling center, and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights and inspiration.

Children are Inspiring! Quotes & Words of Inspiration About Children

Following are some inspiring quotes about children.  They are a gift to us all.  May we always love and cherish them. May we lead them along paths of true happiness, inner peace, unconditional love, and abounding success in life! 

Children are one third of our population and all of our future.

~Select Panel for the Promotion of Child Health, 1981

If my heart can become pure and simple, like that of a child, I think there probably can be no greater happiness than this. -- Kitaro Nishida

Children find everything in nothing; men find nothing in everything. ~Giacomo Leopardi, Zibaldone Scelto

Children make you want to start life over. ~Muhammad Ali

What is a home without children? Quiet. ~Henny Youngman

A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. ~Robert Brault

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ~Frederick Douglass

Inspirational Poem for Parents:  Thank You Lord for This Child

Expert articles:

 Children Divorce -- Children & Divorce: Overcoming Challenges & Succeeding in Life

 Teen Depression - Teen Help to Overcome Depression

Children therapy information from New Day Counseling Services in Troy, MI