Financial Stress: 5 Ways Couples Can Survive and Prosper

All couples face financial stress at one time or another. Financial stress is not only caused by a lack of money or work, it also results from different spending styles, money management, and ways of coping with stress and life challenges. It can lead to major relationship problems and even separation. Money matters are one of the most common causes for divorce. When a financial crisis occurs, couples are forced to cope with changes that can be uncomfortable or cause one or both partners to feel resentment towards the other. The strain can lead to increased irritability, pressure, insecurity, and fear.

The challenges couples face quickly become more than a financial problem, and that is why many breakups and divorces occur. It hurts the relationship in all areas. If not handled in a healthy manner, financial stress can lead to:

Increased conflict & irritability
Distancing/Withdrawal
Fears, worries, insecurities
Blame and Underlying resentment
Depression/Anxiety
Physical symptoms/illness
Decreased affection/Sex life
Problems with changing roles & lifestyle

Following are some tips to help couples better cope with financial challenges that put strain on their relationship.

1. The first thing couples must do is come in agreement that they will make it through this challenge together. They are to see each other as partners. They are in this together. They are a team and together they will overcome.

2. If there are underlying issues of blame and anger, they need to be dealt with as soon as possible until there is a resolve to work together without resentment and/or unforgiveness.

3. Couples must accept the challenge as another way that their relationship will be put to the test. Reaffirming their commitment to each other despite what they are going through will help them to keep their focus and priorities straight.

4. Rather than shut down or withdraw, couples ought to communicate their feelings to each other. Communicating feelings of anxiety or pressure allows them to offer the support, comfort, and hope that is needed and can help significantly in coping with the situation.

5. Couples can help each other maintain an attitude that is hopeful and positive. Couples that pray together, stay together. Rather than focusing on the problem, couples can focus on the solution. Instead of talking about how bad things are or how bad they can get, couples can make the best of the situation and focus on the good things they do have. They can set new goals to make things better. They can brainstorm new ways of spending time together without spending much money. They can find new ways to connect and enjoy each other.

The strain on relationships caused by financial stress does not need to damage or destroy them. Instead, it can and will make them stronger if couples are willing to work with each other as they go through the process together of adjusting to the changes, and accepting new roles and different lifestyles. And, keep believing that things can and will get better. Tough times don’t last forever. Things will get better if they do not give up on each other and the situation. Couples who work together during trying times ultimately find that their relationships become stronger and more fulfilling.

C2009 Krystal Kuehn


I wrote this article in response to an interview for The Detroit News. To read more on the topic, check out the published article: "Worried about money, sex, kids? Be a Team" by Erin Chan Ding (The Detroit News and Free Press, April 19, 2009).

Happy Orthodox Easter!

As a first generation American of Macedonian descent, I have always celebrated Easter on the traditional day as well as the Eastern Orthodox date. So to those who also celebrate tomorrow I wish you a Happy Easter!

Here is my song of praise. I played it on my classical guitar. I hope you enjoy it.

Does not all nature around me praise God? If I were silent, I should be an exception to the universe. Does not the thunder praise Him as it rolls like drums in the march of the God of armies? Do not the mountains praise Him when the woods upon their summits wave in adoration? Does not the lightening write His name in letters of fire? Has not the whole earth a voice? And shall I, can I, silent be? ~Charles H. Spurgeon

Help Save My Marriage: What are We Holding On to?

You know something is wrong in your marriage. Love is not the problem. You love each other although you do not always act like it. Commitment to the relationship and to stay together through hardships may not be the problem either. But, there is something that continues to keep you apart emotionally, physically, intimately.

There was a time when you felt secure and safe together. If you hurt each other, you apologized or showed somehow that you were really sorry. You did not let tensions build or hold grudges. You wanted to continue getting along and enjoying being together. But over time, some conflicts never really got resolved. They could have been pushed under the rug or become triggers to major blowouts. Over time, habits and differences became more annoying and more difficult to accept. Blame instead of shared responsibility became the norm. Personal attacks or insults became the more common reaction to feeling rejected, angry, or hurt. Instead of going to each other for support, comfort, and love, you began to distance yourselves from each other. It is as though your hearts were growing cold.

Distancing in a relationship keeps people apart on all levels. You do not have the trust you once had for your partner so you do not draw close emotionally. You do not feel the same affection and attraction because there is greater focus on what you do not like, respect, or appreciate about your partner. Distancing leads to greater problems if couples do not make efforts to draw close to one another.

What keeps couples in this dangerous state? It might start with pride or a sense of self-sufficiency, but it eventually becomes a hardened heart. A heart that is hardened blocks the flow of love. It forfeits peace and acceptance. It holds on to unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is detrimental to any marriage or relationship. With unforgiveness, there is an underlying attitude that “you owe me.” Yes, perhaps, an apology was never given that should have been or you were not treated right. Maybe you were terribly wronged, mistreated, and hurt. Forgiving someone does not make it okay. What it does is set you free, free to love unconditionally, free to know inner peace, free to connect with others on a deeper level, free to enjoy life.

Offenses and injustices need to be discussed and resolved. If they are not addressed in a relationship, they can lead to serious problems and keep a couple in a state of discontent. Think about anything that you have been holding on to that has blocked the flow of love in your heart. A hard heart can be softened, but you must choose to let love in. Will you open your heart? Will you face what has hurt you and work through it until you can release the hold it has on you?

Can a marriage be saved when there is unforgiveness and hardened hearts? Yes, it can when you decide to open your heart by releasing all that is holding love back. Let love in. Love is a healing balm that makes you whole—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Love unites. If softens and fills you with hope and peace. It lifts the heaviness that weighed you down for far too long. Marriages can be restored when offenses are released and forgiveness takes place. Soften your hearts towards one another and make room for love to grow. Love has always been there, but it was blocked. Let forgiveness unblock its flow today and save your marriage!


Copyright © 2009 Krystal Kuehn. This article is a part of the Help Save My Marriage collection by Krystal.

For more info on great resources, free programs, and help for relationships, go to BeHappy4Life.com.

Let's Celebrate Easter Every Day!

Easter is often celebrated with egg hunts, chocolate bunnies, and baskets. It's a fun holiday and a very significant one well. Easter is all about God's love. Because He lives, we have hope. No matter what we are going through, we can overcome with His help. Because He lives, we have an eternal love that heals, comforts, and fills us with purpose and peace. Receive His love today and you will have something to celebrate every day!

I love this classic song. I play it at many of our outreaches. I hope you enjoy it as well.
Holy Holy Holy

Krystal

Help Save My Marriage: What Happened to Our Vows?

Passion can never purchase what true love desires:
true intimacy, self-giving, and commitment.


When people make a promise to us, we usually expect and hope that they will keep it. Especially when it is from those we love and care about. We want to trust them and have the security of knowing that we can count on their word.

How about in marriage?
How many people stay committed to their promises?

Think about the marriage vows couples make to each other. Vows are promises. They usually include notions of affection (promises to love and respect one another) as well as faithfulness (promises to remain true and to stay together).

The following is an excerpt of marriage vows made by so many. I’m sure they will sound familiar:

To have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better for worse, for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Why are vows hard to keep sometimes? It is because relationships are hard work! When difficult times come (and they will), when feelings or circumstances change, there is one thing that will keep a couple together and that is their commitment to their marriage.

The real difference between a successful marriage and a troubled one is the level of their commitment to work through problems and challenges. Couples who do not stay committed through the difficult times usually end up getting divorced. Successful couples work on resolving their conflicts. They don’t give up; they stay committed to the relationship.

If they cannot resolve their conflicts together, they seek help. They keep their promises Let us look at some of them again:

They promised: For better or for worse. So when it gets worse, they work together to make it better.

They promised: For richer or poorer. So when financial problems arise, they work together to pull out of them.

They promised: In sickness and in health. If sickness or tragedy strikes, or when they grow old, they cope with the challenges together and support each other in any way they can.

They promised: to love and to cherish. They can do this when they understand that true love is more than a feeling. It is a commitment.

And finally, they promised each other: Till death do us part. That means that they will remain faithful, resist temptations, and stay committed to their marriage for as long as they live.

Now that’s a huge commitment with some very serious promises! I really believe that most couples want their marriages to work. Sometimes what they need more than anything else is some insight and a few skills in key relationship areas such as communication, conflict resolution, money issues, sexuality & intimacy, romance. I know that professional counseling can be of help in many cases. I also recommend a program with proven tips and techniques at HelpSaveMyMarriage.net where thousands of marriages have been saved. Visit today and sign up for a free 6-week mini course.

I hope to encourage you to stay true to your commitments. If necessary, get some help, make needed changes, learn more. Remember, your level of commitment will affect the quality of your marriage.


Passion is the quickest to develop and the quickest to fade.
Intimacy develops more slowly,
and commitment more gradually still.
~Robert Sternberg


Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com, written by Krystal Kuehn This article is based on the BeHappy4Life Audio Podcast: Help Save My Marriage by Krystal Kuehn.

Help Save My Marriage: Are We Falling Out of Love?

Before a marriage or relationship ends, one or both partners usually claim that they are no longer “in love”. The passion, affection, and harmony that were once present are now replaced with disagreements, emotional withdrawal and physical distancing.

Relationships grow and develop as partners change and adapt to life and each other. It is an ongoing process. At the beginning of a new relationship, love is intoxicating. Differences and incompatibilities go unnoticed. This highly enjoyable stage of a relationship doesn’t last forever. Soon after the excitement wears off, partners have an opportunity to get to know and accept each other for who they really are. It is at this point that they discover the hard work that happy and successful relationships require.

Every relationship has conflicts. When they arise, a couple’s love and commitment will be tested. The real difference between a successful marriage or relationship and a troubled one is the level of their commitment to work through problems and challenges. Couples who do not stay committed through the difficult times usually end up getting divorced. Successful couples work on resolving their conflicts. They persevere and stay committed to the relationship. If they cannot resolve their conflicts together, they seek help. On the contrary, a relationship with unresolved conflicts grows distant. Eventually, layers upon layers of hurt feelings, insecurities, and unresolved issues develop which lead to more serious relationship problems.

Most couples want their marriages to work. For most, it’s a matter of rekindling their love and acceptance of one another, learning how to resolve conflicts, becoming better listeners, and resolving to stay committed to each other. There is no perfect marriage or relationship. Marriages go through changes and allow partners to grow closer and deeper in love as a result.

Falling out of love usually means falling out of commitment. If you want to fall back in love, it begins with a commitment to your partner. Are you willing to resolve your conflicts when they occur rather than ignore them or let them escalate? Share your feelings and thoughts with love and acceptance rather than criticism and judgment? Focus on what you like about each other rather than what can be improved? Accept your differences and agree that you can disagree and still love and respect each other? Be thankful for and appreciate your partner? Make time for each other? Show your partner respect and love every day? Get professional help if you need it?

Being in love is one of the greatest experiences in the world. It’s more than a good feeling that eventually fades. It’s an intimate connection with another human being unlike any other. It involves a life commitment that surpasses feelings and reaches deep into the soul where true love resides. This love lasts forever and is unconditional. It is not dependent upon feelings or circumstances. It is eternal and true. It is a love every marriage can experience.

Relationships can be restored. Love can be rekindled. Marriages can be happy and succeed. Sometimes what is needed more than anything else is some insight and a few skills in key relationship areas such as communication, commitment, sexuality and intimacy, conflict resolution, money issues, romance, crisis, cheat-proofing your marriage. You can find all this plus a free 6-week mini-course at HelpSaveMyMarriage.net where thousands of marriages have been saved.

Rather than enduring an unhappy or troubled marriage, or becoming another statistic of divorce, make today a new day of commitment to your marriage! Get the help that can make all the difference and save your relationship today!

C2009 Krystal Kuehn

Keys to Getting Over a Break-up

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~author unknown

Someone recently asked me:

How do you get over a break-up?

Following is the answer that may help you too:

When a relationship ends, we experience all kinds of feelings of loss. Maybe we lost our best friend and lover, someone we truly love, someone we had future plans and dreams with. It takes time to heal from a break-up. It’s a process of letting to. Letting go is sometimes difficult. But regardless of why the relationship ended, there are some things we can do to help us move forward. We can ask ourselves:

What am I holding on to? If it’s anger, we can work on forgiveness. If we’re holding on to disappointed hopes, we can set new goals for ourselves.

What is worth holding on to? Anything that we have learned that can help us to grow and be better is worth holding on to. We also have memories we can cherish of the love shared and good times together.

Finally, when we truly want nothing but the best for the other person, we are free to find the best in ourselves.


There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go is not the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life. ~author unknown


We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us. ~Joseph Campbell


You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind. ~author unknown