Success Principles: 6 Common Excuses for Failure that can Help You Succeed

Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses. ~ George Washington Carver

There never was and there never will be another person exactly like you. Your way of thinking, your appearance, you inherent talents and interests, your skills are like no other. You have untapped potential inside you yet to be discovered and released. As Og Mandino would say, you are “nature’s greatest miracle.” Are you living like the successful person you were born to be? That is, are you applying yourself to reach higher, do better, give your all, and be your best?

We can learn a great deal about how to do this by looking at people like George Washington Carver, an American scientist and inventor. He was born into slavery and experienced many hardships that could have kept him from fulfilling his potential. A childhood disease left him frail and unable to work on the fields. Instead, his interest in plants drove him to learn as much as he could about them. He was denied admission to a university because of his race, but that didn’t stop him. He kept trying and believing. He didn’t allow rejection, bitterness, or injustice to thwart his drive to be his best. Five years later, he got accepted to another college. Carver kept pushing himself to succeed. The potential inside of him would not lie dormant. Rather, he discovered it; and in the process, he revolutionized agricultural science. Today he is well known for his many contributions and discoveries of hundreds of uses for the peanut and other crops.

What makes one’s life a success story when there are so many good excuses to fall far below our potential, and so many good reasons to fail? According to George Washington Carver, the majority of failures come from “the habit of making excuses.” What was Carver’s excuse? He could have listed them! So what is our excuse?

Following are 6 common excuses for failure:

1. We fail when we are not true to ourselves. That is, we do not value our uniqueness and all that we have to offer. We may not realize the tremendous potential inside of us until we accept that we are special and loved. This above all, to thine own self be true. ~William Shakespeare

2. We fail when we feel sorry for ourselves. Self-pity keeps us from trying or believing we deserve better. We feel bad for ourselves and may even feel we are being punished when we fail. There is no failure except in no longer trying. ~Elbert Hubbard

3. We fail because a lack of effort. We have to work at whatever we want to accomplish. Most good things in life don’t just fall into our laps. We have to go after them. Applying effort might require us to learn something new or do things outside of our comfort zones. The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win. ~Roger Banniter

4. We fail because we complain. If things seem too difficult or unfair, we complain instead of accept the challenge and push ahead. We get negative and angry so we stop trying, and we blame others instead of taking responsibility. The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail. ~Napoleon Hill

5. We fail because we do not believe. We might lack confidence in ourselves and not believe we are capable of succeeding at something. Looking at the mountains of negative circumstances will also keep our eyes fixed on the problem and off the possibilities for success. All things are possible to him that believes. ~Mark 9:23

6. We fail because we quit. This is the greatest failure of all. When we lose our hope, we want to quit. We start to think nothing can or will work out for us or get any better. This is an attitude of defeat that keeps us from picking ourselves back up and persisting until things turn around. ~There is no failure except in no longer trying ~Elbert Hubbard


Do any of these excuses sound familiar to you? Has the habit of making excuses kept you from living a successful and fulfilling life? Only you can make the decision to be the successful person you were born to be. Only you can decide to change bad habits of defeat into good habits of success. No one can do it for you. It’s up to you to take command of your life and begin believing the truth about who you are and your unlimited potential to succeed!

My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure. ~Abraham Lincoln


Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com All Rights Reserved.
Written by Krytstal Kuehn,MA,LPC,LLP,NCC
NewDayCounseling.org Counseling, Michigan

Relationship Advice: Love is...Humble

True expressions of love are said to come from a source which lies beneath words and thoughts. ~W. Timothy Gallwey

A humble person is certainly a pleasant person to be around and that is because humble people are not self-centered or self-seeking. They are modest and not at all arrogant or boastful. They do not draw attention to themselves, but they are drawn to others. They do not need praise and approval to feel good about themselves. When they are overlooked, they are not driven by frustration to make themselves known. When their good intentions are ridiculed, they are able to keep from retaliating. They can humbly submit to one of less stature than themselves if necessary without rebellion or resentment.

Humility is love unseen. It is love that is veiled and not directly recognized, yet humility is motivated by love. A person who is genuinely humble doesn’t think they are better or more important than other people. They have proper respect for everyone regardless of who they are or what they have done. That doesn’t mean that they allow others to take advantage of them. Nor does it mean that they lack confidence and fear asserting themselves. Sometimes people confuse humility with weakness and blind compliance. Or even assume that someone who degrades themselves is a humble person. This is certainly not the case. It takes great strength to live a life of humility.

Humility communicates love. Humble people are:

Ready to admit when they are wrong

Able to say they are sorry

Not afraid to ask for help when they need it

Patient when misunderstood

Not fearful of what others think about them

Confident in who they are and don’t feel a need to prove themselves

Teachable and willing to learn from their mistakes

Not judgmental of others or backbiters

Not easily offended

Most people find it difficult to humble themselves or even admit when they have been humbled. It can be extremely uncomfortable and it hurts our pride. It is so much easier to defend ourselves and blame others, and to exalt and try to prove ourselves. Humility is certainly a challenge to most people. It can be a real stumbling block in our love walk, or it can become a stepping stone to greater love if we will allow it to be.... continue


Copyright © 2006 Kuehn. All Rights Reserved.
Love is Humble is Part 7 of The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships


Join the BeHappy4Life.com discussion* on facebook:

David Letterman recently made a public confession and apology to his wife and staff. He said his wife “has been horribly hurt by my behavior, and when something happens like that, if you hurt a person and it's your responsibility, you try to fix it." What do you think?

*Go to Groups on Facebook and type in BeHappy4Life.com

The Power of Habit

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. ~Aristotle

I recently came across this poem and I really appreciate it. BeHappy4Life.com is founded on the belief that we can be our best and live a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love by the choices we make and the habits we develop and practice. May these words inspire and motivate you to change some bad habits and develop good habits for life! Krystal

THE POWER OF HABIT

I am your constant companion.
I am your greatest helper or your heaviest burden.
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am completely at your command.
Half the things you do you might as well turn over to me,
And I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.
I am easily managed; you must merely be firm with me.
Show me exactly how you want something done,
And after a few lessons I will do it automatically.
I am the servant of all great individuals
And, alas, of all failures as well.
Those who are great I have made great
Those who are failures I have made failures.
I am not a machine,
Though I work with all the precision of a machine
Plus the intelligence of a human being.
You may run me for profit or run me for ruin;
It makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me,
And I will put the world at your feet
Be easy with me, and I will destroy you.
Who am I?

I am habit!

~author unknown

I highly recommend the old classic called The Greatest Salesman in the World. It addresses what I strongly believe in: the keys to real joy, successful relationships, and a fulfilling life. It begins with the importance of habits. Good habits are essential to all success. We all have bad habits we've developed, but we can replace them with good habits and change our lives!

Optimism - Simply a Good Attitude

We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow, we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change. ~John Maxwell

What kind of thoughts come to your mind when you think about your life? How about your family, your work, your future? Suppose your thoughts could change your destiny. Would you want to change or improve any of them?

We might believe our thoughts just happen, and we do not consider the fact that we can choose to stop certain thoughts and refocus. We can choose what we accept and meditate on, and we can choose what we resist and reject. Our thoughts shape the attitudes that direct our lives. We make decisions based on our attitudes and beliefs.

Thoughts lead to other related thoughts. When they are hopeful and positive, we develop a good attitude. Likewise, a bad attitude results when a habit of negative thoughts dominate our thinking. For example, suppose you feel hurt that your friend did not invite you to lunch. You might begin to think that it is because she does not want you to come. That thought may lead to you wondering if she really likes you. Maybe you did something wrong. Maybe there is something wrong with you. You feel angry and rejected. You dwell on the offense and have a bad attitude. If you hold on to it, it might come out as rejection and bitterness toward your friend.

Hurt and angry feelings affect our choices and attitudes. We might not be able to control how we feel, but we can control how we direct our thoughts. Suppose you were to stop the negative cycle after feeling hurt that you were not invited. There could be many good reasons why your friend did not ask you to join her. Maybe she just wanted to go alone and it had nothing to do with you. You would have liked to go, but it is okay. You can choose to not dwell on the offense and negative feelings. You can refocus. Forgive and release it. If need be, talk to her about it.

Our thinking patterns become habits and attitudes. Optimism and pessimism are the result of the kinds of thoughts we choose to dominate our thought life and perspective. If we were to live by these words of wisdom, we would spare ourselves of the negativity that keeps us from fulfilling our potential and purpose: Fill your mind and meditate on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. (Philippians 4:8).

We can choose to occupy our minds with the best in people or situations, rather than the worst. We can choose to see the beauty and splendor of every rose rather than its thorns and ugliness. We can notice and praise what is right and good rather than dwell on mistakes or problems. We can hold on to hope rather than submit to despair. We can appreciate and embrace what we have and all is before us rather than live in regret of the past. We can choose to live today as best as we can because that is all we have right now.

It is your choice: you can either count your blessings or recount your disappointments. ~Jim Gallery

We should not deny the pain of what happens in our lives.
But, we should refuse to focus only on the valleys. ~Charles Swindoll

Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. ~Max Lucado

Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com,
written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
NewDayCounseling.org

Employed for Life & Never Out of Work

Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something which must be done, whether you like it or not. Work breeds a hundred virtues that idleness never knows. ~Charles Kingsley

Work keeps our minds occupied. It forces us to set and meet goals that lead to a sense of accomplishment. It encourages us to put our skills and talents to use. Work helps us to develop confidence in what we can do and how we can contribute. It connects us to other people. It is an essential part of our lives and a human need.

So how about those who have lost their jobs and cannot find work? Or, how about those with a disability or illness that leaves them unable to join the workforce? Are they resigned to feel idle, useless, or bored? Absolutely not! So long as we are alive, there is work for us to do. Getting paid for a job is not the only thing that constitutes real work. Work is any assignment, duty, or undertaking. It is anything that keeps us busy using our energy in positive ways. It includes simple things like giving someone a ride to the store, mowing the lawn, researching an idea, praying for a need, helping a neighbor, tucking children into bed, cleaning the house, preparing dinner, calling a lonely friend. All of these activities require some effort and skill. They all contribute to making life better or easier for someone. And they all require a willingness to give and to do what we are able.

Every morning presents us with new work opportunities for the day. There may be things we will enjoy and look forward to and others that we will dislike and even dread. But there is always something for us to do. If we are already busy and occupied with plenty to do, it would be wise for us to prioritize our time and make the best use of it. However, if we have more time on our hands than we know what to do with, we ought to invest our time in some short and long term goals that are important to us.

Time spent can never be retrieved. Once it is gone, it is gone. All that is left are memories and the consequences of the choices we have made. Let us not waste time. Wasting time is like letting life pass us by. It is letting dreams die and relationships fade. It is missing our potential and settling for less than we were meant to be. May we choose to appreciate our days and use our time with wisdom and purpose today and always.

Teach us to number our days and recognize how few they are;
help us to spend them as we should. ~Psalm 90:12


Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com,
written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
NewDayCounseling.org

Anger Management: What Are You So Angry About, Really?

When you strike out in anger, you might miss the other person, but you will always hit yourself. ~Jim Gallery

Striking out with angry words is the cause of so many relationship problems. Words are powerful. They can encourage, strengthen, and change destinies. They can also destroy potential and robs us of hope and peace. Most major fires begin with just a small flame. Before long the fire spreads and becomes more and more difficult to contain. It damages or completely destroys everything in its path. Do we realize how quickly unmanaged anger can do significant damage? And as the quote above humorously expresses, anger always hurts the angry person. Sometimes even more so than those to whom it is directed. That is because we cannot have both peace and bitterness in our hearts. An angry person loses his or her peace and joy. Anger obstructs the expression of love, and without love there is no true happiness.

We all get angry. It is inevitable. But, not all anger is bad. We have heard stories of people who have made major contributions to society, fought against injustices, and made positive life changes as they were motivated by righteous anger. Problematic anger, on the other hand, is usually explosive, hidden, or denied. If not faced and dealt with, anger hinders our ability to have healthy and loving relationships.

So how do we deal with anger? We can begin by recognizing the underlying emotions that lead up to our negative reactions such as feelings of hurt, frustration, shame, rejection, fear, jealousy. The next time you feel angry, ask yourself What emotion is behind my anger? You may begin to see a pattern. For example, a woman gets angry every time her boyfriend is late for their meeting. She realizes that his tardiness makes her feel rejected and this leads to her angry outbursts. What is the underlying problem that needs to be addressed? Rejection. How about the boyfriend who expresses his anger by shutting down when his girlfriend tries to engage him in conversation? As he identifies the pattern, he realizes that he feels jealous every time she talks to other guys. He tries to hide his anger and does not express his feelings to her directly, so he pulls away instead.

Anger does not have to bring ruin to our lives and relationships. There are healthy and effective ways to manage it. I have briefly discussed the underlying emotions of anger and the importance of dealing with the causes. If you need more help in this area, I highly recommend participating in an anger management group. It can be an extremely supportive and helpful resource to equip you with many tools for a better life.

Above all else, may peace rule in our hearts, Krystal

Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it. ~Brian Tracy

Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com,
written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
NewDayCounseling.org

For more info on Anger Management Classes in the MetroDetroit Area, Click here:
NewDayCounseling AngerManagement

Remember 911

I recently came across this beautiful quote:
Close your eyes and you will see everything you actually possess.

In a world of materialism and self-indulgence, it’s easy to get distracted from what is most important and valuable to us. You have probably heard of the wealthy executive who paid for his “success” with his health that he could never buy back. Or the workaholic father, wanting to provide his family with the many “things” he thought they needed, kept too busy to give them his time and attention. We can strive to accumulate things, but before we know it, those very things can begin to own us.

Can we buy a happy marriage or family? Good health? True friendship? Peace? Can we attain them by pursuing our materialistic visions and vain indulgences?

I am not only talking about being grateful for what we do have. If we think about it, most of us can say we are truly blessed. I'm talking about priorities. Do our choices and actions reflect what matters most to us?

As we remember 911, I want to think about what matters most in my life and in my country. I remember the tragedy, but I also remember the love. I remember the love that united us as a nation; the love that reached out to those hurting; the love that made sacrifices to help and serve. Remember 911 today and always.

Remembering 911