Gratitude: More Than Words

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. - John F. Kennedy

How trustworthy are our words if there is no action behind them? We can tell our kids not to smoke, but if they see us doing it, can we realistically expect them to listen? We can say we care about our health, but do our eating habits confirm that we do? The old adage rings true: Actions speak louder than words.

It is not just the words we say that reveal the condition of our hearts. People watch what we do more than what we say. Our actions are the best indicators of who we really are. Actions can speak so loud that we may not even need words at all sometimes. If you see a man treating his wife with love and respect, speaking well of her, supporting and acknowledging her, you don’t need him or anyone to tell you that he loves her. If you know someone who gives of their time and resources to help people in need, you do not need to be told that he or she cares or that he or she is a giving person. Observing the actions of others lead us to come to our own conclusions.

When our hearts are truly thankful, it will come out and be evident in our words. With a thankful heart we will not find fault, but rather, we will find something to praise. We will not complain, but instead, we will rejoice. With a thankful heart, we will not focus on what is lacking, we will be filled with all that is good. We will not be resentful because we feel cheated; we will cherish and acknowledge the many ways in which we are blessed. The way we live, our attitude, and our perspective is communicating something to someone at all times.

We can be assured that our gratitude and appreciation is being heard when our life becomes a song of praise—realizing our many blessings are undeserved, our life is a gift, the love we share with others is priceless, and the beauty and wonder we see and experience in creation is a privilege.

Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn, co-founder of BeHappy4Life.com and New Day Counseling Services

Gratitude - More Than A Positive Perspective

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~Melodie Beattie

Do you believe gratitude unlocks the fullness of life? If so, it is because gratitude affects our perspective. Lack becomes "enough" because we are thankful for what we do have. We see the glass half full rather than half empty. Problems turn to gifts when we are grateful because we can see opportunity in them. The unexpected becomes perfect timing when we have a grateful heart, because we believe some things happen for good reason. We make the best of things although they don't always work out as we had hoped or planned. With a grateful heart, we are open and willing to learn and grow from mistakes rather than give in to defeat or anger. A grateful heart is truly a merry heart!

Something to think about:
How can gratitude change your perspective and help you to have a better attitude and day today?

Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved. Krystal Kuehn.
Krystal is co-founder of New Day Counseling, where marriage family counseling is provided to individuals, couples, and families.

Stress Management: No Worry, Know Peace

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy ~Leo Buscaglia

What is worry? Worry is negative meditation. To meditate is to be occupied in thought, to ponder and reflect. So when we worry, our thoughts are occupied with things that cause us distress, fear, or dread. Worry puts stress on our minds and bodies. It can literally make us sick. Studies have found links between stress and illness. Stress weakens our immune system, making us more vulnerable to viruses and other illnesses. Worry clouds our perception. Decision-making is impaired. Clearly, our minds and bodies cannot function at their best when we worry.

Why do we worry? We worry because we do not have inner peace. We focus on what can go wrong instead of what can go right. We look at the problem and how things can get worse rather than the solution and how things can get better. We look at faults, mistakes, and failures instead of victories and successes. We fix our eyes on the mountain instead of seeing ourselves on the other side. We try to control what we can only accept instead of changing what is within our power—namely, our attitudes. We focus on ourselves instead of trusting God. We get to the end of the road, and are ready to quit. We travel down a long, dark path and don’t realize there is light at the end of the tunnel. We get weakened by the drought and lose our strength. We are in over our heads and think we will surely drown. Is it any wonder we stress ourselves out?

How do we stop worrying? The apostle Paul admonishes us to not worry about anything, but rather, to pray about everything. He said that we can bring all of our cares to God and He will give us peace. He will direct our paths. He will comfort us and help us. We are not only admonished to trust Him, but we are instructed to meditate on positive, hopeful things. How we occupy our minds affects our faith and attitude. When we focus on possibilities our hope increases, our faith is strengthened, and our worries fade. When we see ourselves as winners in life and overcomers of obstacles, our success is within reach. When we choose to focus on the good and not the bad, good comes our way. When we ask, we receive. When we seek, we find. When we knock, doors open for us.

I wrote a song called "What If" some time ago. Worry thoughts often begin with “What if…” In the song, I ask, “What if I trust You more? What if I leave it in Your hands? What would happen if I would, knowing that You’re always good. What if I trust You more? Then I would let doubt go. My life is in Your hands. You are the Great I am.” Since that time, I have had countless opportunities to ask in fear and worry, “What if…?” I am always reminded of these words. And I always remind myself that we can choose to believe for the best, not the worst. We can choose to believe things will work out, and that God will make a way when there seems to be no way. We choose to believe the promise that God is always with us. And when we leave it in His hands, we can know that things will work out because He is good.

Worry and stress are harmful to our mental, physical, and spiritual health. Negative meditation (worry) or positive meditation (prayer) can significantly impact our lives for the better or worse. We can practice either one, and it will become a habit. It is up to us. I encourage you to choose today to be free from worry and experience inner peace!

Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it. ~Brian Tracy

Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com. All Rights Reserved
Written by Krystal Kuehn, NewDayCounseling.org
(Part of the Stress Management Counseling Series)

Success Principles: 6 Common Excuses for Failure that can Help You Succeed

Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses. ~ George Washington Carver

There never was and there never will be another person exactly like you. Your way of thinking, your appearance, you inherent talents and interests, your skills are like no other. You have untapped potential inside you yet to be discovered and released. As Og Mandino would say, you are “nature’s greatest miracle.” Are you living like the successful person you were born to be? That is, are you applying yourself to reach higher, do better, give your all, and be your best?

We can learn a great deal about how to do this by looking at people like George Washington Carver, an American scientist and inventor. He was born into slavery and experienced many hardships that could have kept him from fulfilling his potential. A childhood disease left him frail and unable to work on the fields. Instead, his interest in plants drove him to learn as much as he could about them. He was denied admission to a university because of his race, but that didn’t stop him. He kept trying and believing. He didn’t allow rejection, bitterness, or injustice to thwart his drive to be his best. Five years later, he got accepted to another college. Carver kept pushing himself to succeed. The potential inside of him would not lie dormant. Rather, he discovered it; and in the process, he revolutionized agricultural science. Today he is well known for his many contributions and discoveries of hundreds of uses for the peanut and other crops.

What makes one’s life a success story when there are so many good excuses to fall far below our potential, and so many good reasons to fail? According to George Washington Carver, the majority of failures come from “the habit of making excuses.” What was Carver’s excuse? He could have listed them! So what is our excuse?

Following are 6 common excuses for failure:

1. We fail when we are not true to ourselves. That is, we do not value our uniqueness and all that we have to offer. We may not realize the tremendous potential inside of us until we accept that we are special and loved. This above all, to thine own self be true. ~William Shakespeare

2. We fail when we feel sorry for ourselves. Self-pity keeps us from trying or believing we deserve better. We feel bad for ourselves and may even feel we are being punished when we fail. There is no failure except in no longer trying. ~Elbert Hubbard

3. We fail because a lack of effort. We have to work at whatever we want to accomplish. Most good things in life don’t just fall into our laps. We have to go after them. Applying effort might require us to learn something new or do things outside of our comfort zones. The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win. ~Roger Banniter

4. We fail because we complain. If things seem too difficult or unfair, we complain instead of accept the challenge and push ahead. We get negative and angry so we stop trying, and we blame others instead of taking responsibility. The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail. ~Napoleon Hill

5. We fail because we do not believe. We might lack confidence in ourselves and not believe we are capable of succeeding at something. Looking at the mountains of negative circumstances will also keep our eyes fixed on the problem and off the possibilities for success. All things are possible to him that believes. ~Mark 9:23

6. We fail because we quit. This is the greatest failure of all. When we lose our hope, we want to quit. We start to think nothing can or will work out for us or get any better. This is an attitude of defeat that keeps us from picking ourselves back up and persisting until things turn around. ~There is no failure except in no longer trying ~Elbert Hubbard


Do any of these excuses sound familiar to you? Has the habit of making excuses kept you from living a successful and fulfilling life? Only you can make the decision to be the successful person you were born to be. Only you can decide to change bad habits of defeat into good habits of success. No one can do it for you. It’s up to you to take command of your life and begin believing the truth about who you are and your unlimited potential to succeed!

My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure. ~Abraham Lincoln


Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com All Rights Reserved.
Written by Krytstal Kuehn,MA,LPC,LLP,NCC
NewDayCounseling.org Counseling, Michigan

Relationship Advice: Love is...Humble

True expressions of love are said to come from a source which lies beneath words and thoughts. ~W. Timothy Gallwey

A humble person is certainly a pleasant person to be around and that is because humble people are not self-centered or self-seeking. They are modest and not at all arrogant or boastful. They do not draw attention to themselves, but they are drawn to others. They do not need praise and approval to feel good about themselves. When they are overlooked, they are not driven by frustration to make themselves known. When their good intentions are ridiculed, they are able to keep from retaliating. They can humbly submit to one of less stature than themselves if necessary without rebellion or resentment.

Humility is love unseen. It is love that is veiled and not directly recognized, yet humility is motivated by love. A person who is genuinely humble doesn’t think they are better or more important than other people. They have proper respect for everyone regardless of who they are or what they have done. That doesn’t mean that they allow others to take advantage of them. Nor does it mean that they lack confidence and fear asserting themselves. Sometimes people confuse humility with weakness and blind compliance. Or even assume that someone who degrades themselves is a humble person. This is certainly not the case. It takes great strength to live a life of humility.

Humility communicates love. Humble people are:

Ready to admit when they are wrong

Able to say they are sorry

Not afraid to ask for help when they need it

Patient when misunderstood

Not fearful of what others think about them

Confident in who they are and don’t feel a need to prove themselves

Teachable and willing to learn from their mistakes

Not judgmental of others or backbiters

Not easily offended

Most people find it difficult to humble themselves or even admit when they have been humbled. It can be extremely uncomfortable and it hurts our pride. It is so much easier to defend ourselves and blame others, and to exalt and try to prove ourselves. Humility is certainly a challenge to most people. It can be a real stumbling block in our love walk, or it can become a stepping stone to greater love if we will allow it to be.... continue


Copyright © 2006 Kuehn. All Rights Reserved.
Love is Humble is Part 7 of The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships


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The Power of Habit

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. ~Aristotle

I recently came across this poem and I really appreciate it. BeHappy4Life.com is founded on the belief that we can be our best and live a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love by the choices we make and the habits we develop and practice. May these words inspire and motivate you to change some bad habits and develop good habits for life! Krystal

THE POWER OF HABIT

I am your constant companion.
I am your greatest helper or your heaviest burden.
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am completely at your command.
Half the things you do you might as well turn over to me,
And I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.
I am easily managed; you must merely be firm with me.
Show me exactly how you want something done,
And after a few lessons I will do it automatically.
I am the servant of all great individuals
And, alas, of all failures as well.
Those who are great I have made great
Those who are failures I have made failures.
I am not a machine,
Though I work with all the precision of a machine
Plus the intelligence of a human being.
You may run me for profit or run me for ruin;
It makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me,
And I will put the world at your feet
Be easy with me, and I will destroy you.
Who am I?

I am habit!

~author unknown

I highly recommend the old classic called The Greatest Salesman in the World. It addresses what I strongly believe in: the keys to real joy, successful relationships, and a fulfilling life. It begins with the importance of habits. Good habits are essential to all success. We all have bad habits we've developed, but we can replace them with good habits and change our lives!

Optimism - Simply a Good Attitude

We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow, we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change. ~John Maxwell

What kind of thoughts come to your mind when you think about your life? How about your family, your work, your future? Suppose your thoughts could change your destiny. Would you want to change or improve any of them?

We might believe our thoughts just happen, and we do not consider the fact that we can choose to stop certain thoughts and refocus. We can choose what we accept and meditate on, and we can choose what we resist and reject. Our thoughts shape the attitudes that direct our lives. We make decisions based on our attitudes and beliefs.

Thoughts lead to other related thoughts. When they are hopeful and positive, we develop a good attitude. Likewise, a bad attitude results when a habit of negative thoughts dominate our thinking. For example, suppose you feel hurt that your friend did not invite you to lunch. You might begin to think that it is because she does not want you to come. That thought may lead to you wondering if she really likes you. Maybe you did something wrong. Maybe there is something wrong with you. You feel angry and rejected. You dwell on the offense and have a bad attitude. If you hold on to it, it might come out as rejection and bitterness toward your friend.

Hurt and angry feelings affect our choices and attitudes. We might not be able to control how we feel, but we can control how we direct our thoughts. Suppose you were to stop the negative cycle after feeling hurt that you were not invited. There could be many good reasons why your friend did not ask you to join her. Maybe she just wanted to go alone and it had nothing to do with you. You would have liked to go, but it is okay. You can choose to not dwell on the offense and negative feelings. You can refocus. Forgive and release it. If need be, talk to her about it.

Our thinking patterns become habits and attitudes. Optimism and pessimism are the result of the kinds of thoughts we choose to dominate our thought life and perspective. If we were to live by these words of wisdom, we would spare ourselves of the negativity that keeps us from fulfilling our potential and purpose: Fill your mind and meditate on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. (Philippians 4:8).

We can choose to occupy our minds with the best in people or situations, rather than the worst. We can choose to see the beauty and splendor of every rose rather than its thorns and ugliness. We can notice and praise what is right and good rather than dwell on mistakes or problems. We can hold on to hope rather than submit to despair. We can appreciate and embrace what we have and all is before us rather than live in regret of the past. We can choose to live today as best as we can because that is all we have right now.

It is your choice: you can either count your blessings or recount your disappointments. ~Jim Gallery

We should not deny the pain of what happens in our lives.
But, we should refuse to focus only on the valleys. ~Charles Swindoll

Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. ~Max Lucado

Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com,
written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
NewDayCounseling.org