4 Simple Steps to a New Perspective & Better Attitude

Recently I had to take on a new responsibility that I was not very pleased with. Actually, I had a bad attitude about it. Once I realized that nothing was going to change unless I did, I decided to change my perspective. I thought about this quote: 

I can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses. It's all how you look at it. J. Kenfield Morley

I decided that I was not going to complain, but instead, I was going to do something about it. This is what I chose to do and it has given me a new and positive perspective:

1. Stop dwelling on what we do not like or wish was different.  Focusing on everything wrong and frustrating about a situation quickly leads to complaining.  We can refocus.

2. Accept what we cannot change. When there is nothing we can do to change things, there is no point in getting all upset.  It only drains our energy which can be better used in finding healthy ways to cope.

3. Change what we can change.  Our actions, attitude, and perspective are all in our control.  When we begin to look at the good things in an unpleasant situation, we may be surprised that we are able to identify some benefits.

4. Choose to have a good attitude.  A good attitude keeps us from focusing on what we do not like or want. Instead, we can think about how we can make the best of the situation and deal with it better. We may find that we can still be happy even when things do not go our way. And, we do not have to give in to feelings of frustration and discontentment.


The power of perspective is amazing. It can completely change our attitude and mood. We have the freedom to choose what we think and focus on. I hope this reminds you to see the good in today.


Today is a New Day and it is good, Krystal

For more on perspective, check out this fun page:
Practice Happiness with a New Perspective


 Just for today, no matter where I am going, or what I am doing, or who I am doing it with, it is my intention to focus on the positive. ~Lucy MacDonald

Copyright © 2007 BeHappy4Life.com. All Rights Reserved





Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a professional counselor, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling & individual and couples counseling center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & inspiration.


The BeHappy4Life mission is to empower people to develop a lifestyle of health, happiness & love with self-help tools, activities, resources, insights & inspiration that will change your life.



New Day Counseling provides professional counseling services for individuals, couples, and the entire family. We specialize in all areas of mental health and well-being including depression counseling, anxiety counseling, alcohol addiction counseling, eating addictions, substance and sexual abuse, porn addiction counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling. We also offer anger counseling groups and parenting classes. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.



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Are You Master or Victim of Your Attitude?

We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow, we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change. ~John Maxwell

What kind of thoughts come to your mind when you think about your life? How about your family, your work, your future? Suppose your thoughts could change your destiny. Would you want to change or improve any of them?

We might believe our thoughts just happen, and we don’t consider the fact that we can choose to stop certain thoughts and refocus. We can choose what we accept and meditate on, and we can choose what we resist and reject. Our thoughts shape the attitudes that direct our lives. We make decisions based on our attitudes and beliefs.

Thoughts lead to other related thoughts. When they are hopeful and positive, we develop a good attitude. Likewise, a bad attitude results when a habit of negative thoughts dominate our thinking. For example, suppose you feel hurt that your friend didn’t come to your birthday party. You might begin to think that it is because it isn't important to her. That thought may lead you to wonder if she really likes you. Maybe you did something to offend her. Maybe there is something wrong with you. You feel angry and rejected. You dwell on the offense and have a bad attitude. If you hold on to it, feelings of rejection may lead to bitterness toward your friend.  It may even lead to a desire for retaliation.  It is common to reject others when we feel rejected.

Hurt and angry feelings affect our choices and attitudes. We might not be able to control how we feel, but we can control how we direct our thoughts. Suppose you were to stop the negative cycle after feeling hurt by your friend. There could be many good reasons why she wasn't able to join you. Maybe it had nothing to do with you.  You can choose to not take it personal if you know she wouldn't intentionally want to hurt you.  You can choose to not dwell on the offense and negative feelings. You can refocus. If it really bothers you, talk to her about it.  In doing so, you just may find out that you had the wrong idea all along.  This happened to a woman I know.  She never received the invitation sent by her friend.  It was somehow lost in the mail.  Her friend assumed she got the invitation and chose not to come.  It was months until she discovered why her friend had a bad attitude and pulled away from her. 

Our thinking patterns become habits and attitudes. Optimism and pessimism are the result of the kinds of thoughts we choose to dominate our thought life and perspective. If we were to live by these words of wisdom, we would spare ourselves of the negativity that keeps us from fulfilling our potential and purpose: Fill your mind and meditate on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. (Philippians 4:8).

We can choose to occupy our minds with the best in people or situations, rather than the worst. We can choose to see the beauty and splendor of every rose rather than its thorns and ugliness. We can notice and praise what is right and good rather than dwell on mistakes or problems. We can hold on to hope rather than submit to despair. We can appreciate and embrace what we have and all that is before us rather than live in regret of the past. We can choose to live today as best as we can because that is all we have right now.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~Winston Churchill

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind. ~~ William James

It’s your choice: you can either count your blessings or recount your disappointments. ~Jim Gallery

We shouldn’t deny the pain of what happens in our lives.  But, we should refuse to focus only on the valleys. ~Charles Swindoll

Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. ~Max Lucado

 

Copyright © 2008, 2010 BeHappy4Life.com  All Rights Reserved.


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems & Be Your Best blog.



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Perspective - It's All the Way You Look At It

There is little difference in people, but that difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative. ~W.Clement Stone

We might describe ourselves as an optimist, a pessimist, or somewhere in-between. But regardless who is right or wrong about a matter, it is the optimist that always tends to be the one who is more hopeful and happy. Join me as we experience a typical day in the life of an optimist and a pessimist. The following story is about perspective & how the same situation can be experienced so differently:

Early Saturday morning the optimist awakens with anticipation and gratitude for the new day. He looks forward to getting together with his friend for a stroll in the park. The pessimist awakens to another day expecting more of the same—the same problems, frustrations, and negativity. When they greet each other at the park, the optimist comments on what a beautiful, sunny day it is. The pessimist says, “You never know how long it will last. It could get cloudy and rain as far as we know.”

Along their way, the Optimist notices a group of teenagers playing ball and blaring a radio near by them. The Optimist says, “It’s so nice to see young people having so much fun together—playing sports and getting exercise.” “You can’t be serious,” retorts the Pessimist. “Teens are troublemakers. Listen to that horrible music. They’re all angry and rebellious. And, on top of that, they get so aggressive in sports, I’m surprised there are not more injuries.”

Next, they walk to the bridge and see a sign stating that the bridge is temporarily closed due to construction. The Optimist suggests, “Let’s go around another way. It’ll be just as nice and we can enjoy the scenery along the other side of the park. The Pessimist angrily replies, “Taxpayer dollars are being wasted again. The bridge was just fine. Now we have to take the long way around because of their incompetence.”

On the other side of the Park, the Optimist notices a couple playfully hugging and kissing. “That is so beautiful! It looks like they’re in love.” “Yeah, right,” exclaims the Pessimist. “They’re just putting on a show. If they want to be all affectionate and loving, they shouldn’t be in a public place.”

The stroll in the park continued along in the same predictable manner. And later that evening, when both the Optimist and Pessimist were asked by friends how their day went, The Optimist shared, “It was a great day. The park was filled with people having fun, and there was so much to see and enjoy.” The Pessimist described his day saying, “There is nothing good about this town. Annoying people are everywhere. The bridge was even down, and there really wasn’t much to like about it.”


Wow, What a difference in perspective! Is there any wonder why the Pessimist remains negative and oftentimes is unhappy? First, he doesn’t expect the nice weather to last. He is actually expressing the attitude that some people have—that nothing good ever lasts for very long, so don’t expect it and you won’t be disappointed. Then, he generalizes that all teens are angry and rebellious. When the bridge is closed, instead of making the best of the situation, he complains and blames others. And later, he gets annoyed by displays of love and affection.

The Optimist, on the other hand, focuses on the good things—and spends his day appreciating and enjoying it. When obstacles arise, he copes in a healthy manner and doesn’t let it ruin his day or attitude.

Now, who would you rather be around? Or, I should ask, what perspective would you rather have? Most of us would like to be more like the Optimist. The Optimist has inner joy and peace. The Optimist is loving towards others. And, the Optimist has inner strength to cope with life’s challenges.

I’d like to encourage you that with practice, we can ALL become more optimistic in our outlook.

I hope you have a great week & see all the good in it!


Pessimism leads to weakness, optimism to power. ~William James


Copyright © 2008 BeHappy4Life.com, written by Krystal Kuehn

This article is a transcript from the Perspective: It's All the Way You Look at It - audio podcast . To learn more about developing a positive attitude, go to behappy4life.com.

It's a New Day & It is Good!

One of the illusions of life is that the present hour

is not the critical, decisive hour. Write it on your heart that

every day is the best day of the year.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

We can begin each new day with a new attitude. No matter what happens or how our days might start off, remember that it is a new day and it is good! It is good to wake up to new mercies every morning. It is good to be alive. It is good to have within our power the choice to make today a better day.

Whether we realize it or not, we start out each new day wanting it to be a good day. No one wakes up saying, I want to have a miserable day today. I do not want to be happy today. I just want to get by. Happiness is truly an individual experience. What makes us happy is not necessarily what makes other people happy. One person might choose to be happy on a cold, rainy day that cancelled his outdoor plans while another person in the same situation might decide it is going to be a bad day. A promotion at work can lead one person to choose to be happy about the news while another might focus on the pressures and anxieties it can cause. An unexpected pregnancy can be happy news to one person and upsetting to another. Some people need a good reason to be happy, while others are simply happy to be alive.

We do not always understand others needs for happiness or for a better life, but we all share a common goal: We all want to be happy. We all want to enjoy our lives and live it successfully and with purpose. If happiness is important to us and something we value, then we can be truly happy. It is a matter of choosing the ways of happiness in our thoughts, actions, and attitudes, and, putting them into practice.

Wishing you true happiness today & each new day,

Krystal

This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.
~Psalm 118:24

Be Happy 4 Life
Choose Happiness Now. Practice Happiness Every Day. Make Happiness a Lifestyle.

Four Steps to a New Perspective

Recently I had to take on a new responsibility that I was not too pleased with. Actually, I had a bad attitude about it. Once I realized that nothing was going to change unless I did, I decided to change my perspective. I thought about this quote:

You can either complain that rose bushes have thorns - or rejoice that thorn bushes have roses.

I decided that I would stop complaining and do something about it. This is what I did:

1. Stop indulging in frustration and complaining.

2. Accept what I cannot change.

3. Change what I can change--my attitude and perspective.
I began to look at the good things in this new situation. To my surprise, I was able to list some benefits.

4. Have a good attitude.
A good attitude kept me from focusing on what I didn't like or want. Instead I thought about how I could make the best of the situation and deal with it better. I found that I could still be happy even though things didn't go my way. And, I didn't have to give in to feelings of frustration and discontentment.


The power of perspective is amazing. It can completely change your attitude and mood. Awhile back I wrote an article about the importance of our perspective, and the freedom to choose what we think and focus on. I hope it reminds you to see the good in today.


Today is a New Day and it is good, Krystal

For more on perspective, check out this fun page: http://behappy4life.com/newperspective.html


Do You See The Clouds or Sunshine? It's Your Choice
Mirror Newspaper, Dec. 15, 2005, Vol. 2, Number 15
by Krystal Kuehn

“What a beautiful, sunny day,” I thought when I awoke this morning. “It’s going to be a good day!” I got out of bed with a new energy and a good attitude. Then I began to wonder, what is it about today that’s different from the past several days? Well, it was cloudy most every other morning until this morning. What a difference sunshine can make! Actually, as I pondered this, I came to realize that it is so much more than that. What it really comes down to is a choice. Notice that I had determined in my mind that it was going to be a good day. Every day and every hour, it is up to us to decide how we’re going to respond to situations, people, problems and plans.

External factors can have the power to influence us, lead us to feel pressured, or respond out of habit only in accordance to how much we allow them to. And that’s just it. How much will we allow them to? We have a free will. That leaves us with a responsibility to choose the good, true, just, and lovely if we want to enjoy our lives. Even the desire to break out of old, negative patterns requires us to make a choice. Ultimately, we are in control of our choices and attitudes.

Another key point that determined the good attitude I had for the day was the expression of my heartfelt gratitude as I enjoyed the beauty of the brightness from the sun. A heart of gratitude always improves our attitude. A grateful heart keeps our focus on the good in people, the possibilities, and the simple enjoyment and refreshing that can come from the things we so often take for granted.

Regardless of the weather or any other external factors, keeping our focus right will help us maintain a healthy attitude of hope and expectation of good things to come. The warmth of the sun, the brightness of its light, the shimmer of its beauty never changes. Clouds can block it but can’t take it away.

The next time the clouds threaten to take your sunshine away, remember that it is shining just as bright as ever. You don’t have to wait for the clouds to lift to experience its warmth or to appreciate its beauty. Let it remind you that God’s mercies are new every morning. He doesn’t change like the weather or people or situations do. He is always there to brighten up even your darkest day. His light will help you to see that there is hope no matter what the situation. The warmth of His love will wrap around you and keep you safe in His care. You can rejoice and be glad for this is the day the Lord has made and He wants you to enjoy it!

Copyright 2006 Kuehn

Gratitude: The Way to True Joy

You have probably heard that one of the best ways to improve your outlook and experience life satisfaction is to count your blessings. We would probably all agree, and most of us are thankful. However, we quickly begin to take things for granted or we simply do not think about being thankful throughout our day. A great way to keep our focus on what we have, the good, the beautiful, the positivie side of things is to keep a Gratitude Journal. I got away from doing this for some time, and a couple of months ago I decided to get back to it. Every night before bed, I think about my day and write down at least three things that I am thankful for. It amazes me that I do not think about being thankful for the simple things at the time they are happening or I quickly forget about them; but when I take time to reflect, I am truly grateful. For example, I found a home remedy for my cat's eye infection that worked. And once after running errands all day, I just made it to the last store ten minutes before they closed.

When I first began my journal, I recorded three things I was grateful for each day. Now I sometimes have a list of seven or more. Another thing that is interesting is that reflecting on the day sometimes reminds me of some unpleasant or frustrating things. Even when thinking about them, I seem to always find at least something I can be thankful for. In doing this, I am practicing gratitude. I am focusing on the positive instead of the negative. There was a time when I spent a great deal of energy focusing on what what wrong instead of what was right, what I did not have rather than what I did have, and what I could not do instead of what I could do. It comes down to perspective. If we think about what we are grateful for, we will spend much more time thinking about the good in our lives. That is one of the best ways to practice happiness. I encourage you to start a Gratitude Journal. It is simple and with practice you can expect to have a happier attitude and outlook.

For more on Gratitude, go to http://behappy4life.com/thankfulheart.html You will find some more exercises and encouragement to practice gratitude and develop a thankful heart.

One of my favorite sections is on Perspective. Check it out here: http://behappy4life.com/newperspective.html

My gratitude for my son is best expressed in this video. I wrote the words shortly after he was born. I originally wrote it with his name in the title. This version is altered so everyone can relate and appreciate it. http://behappy4life.com/babypoem.html

With a heart of gratitude, Krystal