Making Peace with Your Past

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself he becomes wise. ~Alden Nowlan

Are regrets, bad memories, or losses keeping you from enjoying each new day? Is the past keeping you from moving into the future with hope and anticipation?

I recently heard a man say that it was not until he made peace with his past that he truly began to live. It changed his life so drastically that everyone noticed there was something different about him. It was not until 20 years after losing his father that he began to grieve the loss for the first time. He finally allowed himself to face his past with all the anger and pain. There was so much that he missed out on. There were lost opportunities and things that would never be, so many regrets, poor choices, and bad experiences that would affect the rest of his life.

This man went through a process of acceptance and forgiveness. He felt the pain. He felt the anger. He mourned what was and could have been. And then, he released it. He made peace with his past, and he was ready to move on with his life. Suddenly, new opportunities before him became exciting. He began to fully appreciate what he had, the people in his life, and what he had become. He began to hope for a better and brighter future. He was ready to give more of himself to others. And he began to enjoy his life more and more.

For the first time since he could remember, he felt free—free of burdens from the past, free of unresolved pain, free of bitterness and self-pity. He was free indeed! He was free to enjoy his life, his family, and all that he had like never before. The past would no longer steal his joy and hope. It could not hold him back, and it was not going to keep him down any longer.

Is your past keeping you from fully enjoying your life? Sometimes we do not stop and think about it. Just like the man described above, we might have regrets, unresolved pain, sorrow, anger, or unforgiveness. These things keep us bound to the past. The past does not have to negatively influence our future. We can release it as we face it, deal with the emotions, come to accept what was and now is, and forgive our past.

Making peace with our past will lead us to experience healing, wholeness, and freedom to live our life with true joy. Every day is a new day to appreciate and enjoy. We do not have to allow our past to keep us from being truly happy today. Choose to be free and take the necessary steps to be free now. (We might want to have a professional counselor help us go through this process.)

Following are questions to reflect on and steps to take in making peace with our past:

1. Face your past. What are your regrets? What caused or still causes you pain? What are your losses? Have you grieved them?

2. Face your feelings. Does your past make you angry, sad, feel bad about yourself, bitter, damaged, cheated?

3. Forgive your past. Do you have any bitterness, hatred, or unforgiveness towards anyone (including yourself)? Why are you holding on to it? What would it take for you to release it and free yourself from its control in your life?

4. Accept your past. When we cannot change something, the healthiest thing we can do is accept it. Can you accept your past? What have you learned from it? How can it change you for the better?

5. Make peace with your past and be free. When your past no longer controls your life—your peace, your hope, attitude, relationships, ability to love others, give and share of yourself, dream, believe, and trust once again, then you are free!

It is my hope that this has helped you in making peace with your past, and in looking forward to better days ahead!

Krystal

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Copyright © 2007 BeHappy4Life.com. All Rights Reserved

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher and musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling Services, a family and couples counseling center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights and inspiration.

Happy New Year!!

2009 is soon to be behind us forever.  We joyfully welcome 2010 as we believe for a great New Year!

Every year we leave the old behind and welcome the new. Every year we have good memories that will continue to bless us for years to come, and we also have some bad ones that we can grow and learn from. Just as we have a fresh start every morning to enjoy a new day, we have a new year to anticipate and expect good things. Regardless of any disappointments or challenges faced in 2009, let us continue to hope, dream, and set new goals for 2010. It is going to be good. Expect it and plan on it!

The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!

~Edward Payson Powell

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.

~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Have a great & blessed New Year!!  

Krystal, Violet & the Staff at BeHappy4Life.com :)

Children are Inspiring! Quotes & Words of Inspiration About Children

Following are some inspiring quotes about children.  They are a gift to us all.  May we always love and cherish them. May we lead them along paths of true happiness, inner peace, unconditional love, and abounding success in life! 

Children are one third of our population and all of our future.

~Select Panel for the Promotion of Child Health, 1981

If my heart can become pure and simple, like that of a child, I think there probably can be no greater happiness than this. -- Kitaro Nishida

Children find everything in nothing; men find nothing in everything. ~Giacomo Leopardi, Zibaldone Scelto

Children make you want to start life over. ~Muhammad Ali

What is a home without children? Quiet. ~Henny Youngman

A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. ~Robert Brault

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ~Frederick Douglass

Inspirational Poem for Parents:  Thank You Lord for This Child

Expert articles:

 Children Divorce -- Children & Divorce: Overcoming Challenges & Succeeding in Life

 Teen Depression - Teen Help to Overcome Depression

Children therapy information from New Day Counseling Services in Troy, MI

Relationships: What Others Love & Remember Most About Us

People will forget what you did; people will forget what you said; but they won’t forget the way you made them feel. ~unknown

We all love to be around people who make us feel good. They may make us laugh and not take life too seriously. Their attitude and perspective may encourage us. They make us feel at ease and free to be ourselves. And, we may feel appreciated and loved when we are around them.

When we think about the people we like to be around, what is it about them that makes us feel good? We may not be able to recall all the things they say or do that we like, but it is a combination of qualities that make us enjoy their presence. More than anything, we remember that being with them is a good experience. They seem to bring out the best in us.

On the other hand, some people make us feel bad. Their negativity is a downer and saps our energy. The way they treat us can make us feel angry, hurt, or disgusted. Their anxiety is unpleasant and contagious. We may feel badly about ourselves when we are around them. Expectations they impose upon us can be burdensome and overbearing. We may feel unable to measure up or to please them. Their words are toxic and destructive if we take them in. Is there any wonder we don’t like to be around them?

People respond to their environment. If it’s pouring rain, we look for cover. If the hot sun is beating on us, we take off our jackets. We like to feel good and safe. It’s the same with relationships. With the good, we feel safe, accepted, and welcome, so we respond positively. With the bad, we are more likely to be on guard, defensive, and uncomfortable. We may not be able to control or predict how others will treat us, but we can choose to be our best in all situations. Were you ever surprised by someone’s reaction to an offensive person? When some of us would have retaliated, they were gracious and patient. It’s not easy to be the bigger person, but nevertheless, it is an option we have. Developing a character of true inner peace, love, and joy takes continual practice.

Every day we have the opportunity to be the kind of person whose presence is a blessing to others. It is the simple things that make us feel good, hopeful, and positive about life, and about ourselves and others. A smile can break down barriers. A positive attitude can instill hope. Kindness can soften hearts. Comfort can soothe pain. Respect can validate self-worth. Generosity can communicate love. Honesty can open hearts to trust. Love can heal the deepest of wounds.

When we allow these qualities to operate in and through our lives, not only do others enjoy being around us, but we enjoy being around them as well. We feel good because we find the good in ourselves. We believe in the goodness of others. And, we are thankful for the goodness and blessings we all share in this life.

Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn, co-founder of BeHappy4Life.com and NewDayCounseling.org, Counseling services providers of Individual and Marriage Family Counseling

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of New Day Counseling Services, a marriage family counseling and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-improvement and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, online workshops, video presentations, insights, inspiration and more on happy and loving relationships.