Happy New Year!!

2009 is soon to be behind us forever.  We joyfully welcome 2010 as we believe for a great New Year!

Every year we leave the old behind and welcome the new. Every year we have good memories that will continue to bless us for years to come, and we also have some bad ones that we can grow and learn from. Just as we have a fresh start every morning to enjoy a new day, we have a new year to anticipate and expect good things. Regardless of any disappointments or challenges faced in 2009, let us continue to hope, dream, and set new goals for 2010. It is going to be good. Expect it and plan on it!

The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!

~Edward Payson Powell

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.

~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Have a great & blessed New Year!!  

Krystal, Violet & the Staff at BeHappy4Life.com :)

Children are Inspiring! Quotes & Words of Inspiration About Children

Following are some inspiring quotes about children.  They are a gift to us all.  May we always love and cherish them. May we lead them along paths of true happiness, inner peace, unconditional love, and abounding success in life! 

Children are one third of our population and all of our future.

~Select Panel for the Promotion of Child Health, 1981

If my heart can become pure and simple, like that of a child, I think there probably can be no greater happiness than this. -- Kitaro Nishida

Children find everything in nothing; men find nothing in everything. ~Giacomo Leopardi, Zibaldone Scelto

Children make you want to start life over. ~Muhammad Ali

What is a home without children? Quiet. ~Henny Youngman

A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. ~Robert Brault

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ~Frederick Douglass

Inspirational Poem for Parents:  Thank You Lord for This Child

Expert articles:

 Children Divorce -- Children & Divorce: Overcoming Challenges & Succeeding in Life

 Teen Depression - Teen Help to Overcome Depression

Children therapy information from New Day Counseling Services in Troy, MI

Relationships: What Others Love & Remember Most About Us

People will forget what you did; people will forget what you said; but they won’t forget the way you made them feel. ~unknown

We all love to be around people who make us feel good. They may make us laugh and not take life too seriously. Their attitude and perspective may encourage us. They make us feel at ease and free to be ourselves. And, we may feel appreciated and loved when we are around them.

When we think about the people we like to be around, what is it about them that makes us feel good? We may not be able to recall all the things they say or do that we like, but it is a combination of qualities that make us enjoy their presence. More than anything, we remember that being with them is a good experience. They seem to bring out the best in us.

On the other hand, some people make us feel bad. Their negativity is a downer and saps our energy. The way they treat us can make us feel angry, hurt, or disgusted. Their anxiety is unpleasant and contagious. We may feel badly about ourselves when we are around them. Expectations they impose upon us can be burdensome and overbearing. We may feel unable to measure up or to please them. Their words are toxic and destructive if we take them in. Is there any wonder we don’t like to be around them?

People respond to their environment. If it’s pouring rain, we look for cover. If the hot sun is beating on us, we take off our jackets. We like to feel good and safe. It’s the same with relationships. With the good, we feel safe, accepted, and welcome, so we respond positively. With the bad, we are more likely to be on guard, defensive, and uncomfortable. We may not be able to control or predict how others will treat us, but we can choose to be our best in all situations. Were you ever surprised by someone’s reaction to an offensive person? When some of us would have retaliated, they were gracious and patient. It’s not easy to be the bigger person, but nevertheless, it is an option we have. Developing a character of true inner peace, love, and joy takes continual practice.

Every day we have the opportunity to be the kind of person whose presence is a blessing to others. It is the simple things that make us feel good, hopeful, and positive about life, and about ourselves and others. A smile can break down barriers. A positive attitude can instill hope. Kindness can soften hearts. Comfort can soothe pain. Respect can validate self-worth. Generosity can communicate love. Honesty can open hearts to trust. Love can heal the deepest of wounds.

When we allow these qualities to operate in and through our lives, not only do others enjoy being around us, but we enjoy being around them as well. We feel good because we find the good in ourselves. We believe in the goodness of others. And, we are thankful for the goodness and blessings we all share in this life.

Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn, co-founder of BeHappy4Life.com and NewDayCounseling.org, Counseling services providers of Individual and Marriage Family Counseling

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of New Day Counseling Services, a marriage family counseling and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-improvement and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, online workshops, video presentations, insights, inspiration and more on happy and loving relationships.

Gratitude: More Than Words

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. - John F. Kennedy

How trustworthy are our words if there is no action behind them? We can tell our kids not to smoke, but if they see us doing it, can we realistically expect them to listen? We can say we care about our health, but do our eating habits confirm that we do? The old adage rings true: Actions speak louder than words.

It is not just the words we say that reveal the condition of our hearts. People watch what we do more than what we say. Our actions are the best indicators of who we really are. Actions can speak so loud that we may not even need words at all sometimes. If you see a man treating his wife with love and respect, speaking well of her, supporting and acknowledging her, you don’t need him or anyone to tell you that he loves her. If you know someone who gives of their time and resources to help people in need, you do not need to be told that he or she cares or that he or she is a giving person. Observing the actions of others lead us to come to our own conclusions.

When our hearts are truly thankful, it will come out and be evident in our words. With a thankful heart we will not find fault, but rather, we will find something to praise. We will not complain, but instead, we will rejoice. With a thankful heart, we will not focus on what is lacking, we will be filled with all that is good. We will not be resentful because we feel cheated; we will cherish and acknowledge the many ways in which we are blessed. The way we live, our attitude, and our perspective is communicating something to someone at all times.

We can be assured that our gratitude and appreciation is being heard when our life becomes a song of praise—realizing our many blessings are undeserved, our life is a gift, the love we share with others is priceless, and the beauty and wonder we see and experience in creation is a privilege.

Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn, co-founder of BeHappy4Life.com and New Day Counseling Services

Gratitude - More Than A Positive Perspective

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~Melodie Beattie

Do you believe gratitude unlocks the fullness of life? If so, it is because gratitude affects our perspective. Lack becomes "enough" because we are thankful for what we do have. We see the glass half full rather than half empty. Problems turn to gifts when we are grateful because we can see opportunity in them. The unexpected becomes perfect timing when we have a grateful heart, because we believe some things happen for good reason. We make the best of things although they don't always work out as we had hoped or planned. With a grateful heart, we are open and willing to learn and grow from mistakes rather than give in to defeat or anger. A grateful heart is truly a merry heart!

Something to think about:
How can gratitude change your perspective and help you to have a better attitude and day today?

Copyright © 2009 All Rights Reserved. Krystal Kuehn.
Krystal is co-founder of New Day Counseling, where marriage family counseling is provided to individuals, couples, and families.

Stress Management: No Worry, Know Peace

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy ~Leo Buscaglia

What is worry? Worry is negative meditation. To meditate is to be occupied in thought, to ponder and reflect. So when we worry, our thoughts are occupied with things that cause us distress, fear, or dread. Worry puts stress on our minds and bodies. It can literally make us sick. Studies have found links between stress and illness. Stress weakens our immune system, making us more vulnerable to viruses and other illnesses. Worry clouds our perception. Decision-making is impaired. Clearly, our minds and bodies cannot function at their best when we worry.

Why do we worry? We worry because we do not have inner peace. We focus on what can go wrong instead of what can go right. We look at the problem and how things can get worse rather than the solution and how things can get better. We look at faults, mistakes, and failures instead of victories and successes. We fix our eyes on the mountain instead of seeing ourselves on the other side. We try to control what we can only accept instead of changing what is within our power—namely, our attitudes. We focus on ourselves instead of trusting God. We get to the end of the road, and are ready to quit. We travel down a long, dark path and don’t realize there is light at the end of the tunnel. We get weakened by the drought and lose our strength. We are in over our heads and think we will surely drown. Is it any wonder we stress ourselves out?

How do we stop worrying? The apostle Paul admonishes us to not worry about anything, but rather, to pray about everything. He said that we can bring all of our cares to God and He will give us peace. He will direct our paths. He will comfort us and help us. We are not only admonished to trust Him, but we are instructed to meditate on positive, hopeful things. How we occupy our minds affects our faith and attitude. When we focus on possibilities our hope increases, our faith is strengthened, and our worries fade. When we see ourselves as winners in life and overcomers of obstacles, our success is within reach. When we choose to focus on the good and not the bad, good comes our way. When we ask, we receive. When we seek, we find. When we knock, doors open for us.

I wrote a song called "What If" some time ago. Worry thoughts often begin with “What if…” In the song, I ask, “What if I trust You more? What if I leave it in Your hands? What would happen if I would, knowing that You’re always good. What if I trust You more? Then I would let doubt go. My life is in Your hands. You are the Great I am.” Since that time, I have had countless opportunities to ask in fear and worry, “What if…?” I am always reminded of these words. And I always remind myself that we can choose to believe for the best, not the worst. We can choose to believe things will work out, and that God will make a way when there seems to be no way. We choose to believe the promise that God is always with us. And when we leave it in His hands, we can know that things will work out because He is good.

Worry and stress are harmful to our mental, physical, and spiritual health. Negative meditation (worry) or positive meditation (prayer) can significantly impact our lives for the better or worse. We can practice either one, and it will become a habit. It is up to us. I encourage you to choose today to be free from worry and experience inner peace!

Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it. ~Brian Tracy

Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com. All Rights Reserved
Written by Krystal Kuehn, NewDayCounseling.org
(Part of the Stress Management Counseling Series)

Success Principles: 6 Common Excuses for Failure that can Help You Succeed

Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses. ~ George Washington Carver

There never was and there never will be another person exactly like you. Your way of thinking, your appearance, you inherent talents and interests, your skills are like no other. You have untapped potential inside you yet to be discovered and released. As Og Mandino would say, you are “nature’s greatest miracle.” Are you living like the successful person you were born to be? That is, are you applying yourself to reach higher, do better, give your all, and be your best?

We can learn a great deal about how to do this by looking at people like George Washington Carver, an American scientist and inventor. He was born into slavery and experienced many hardships that could have kept him from fulfilling his potential. A childhood disease left him frail and unable to work on the fields. Instead, his interest in plants drove him to learn as much as he could about them. He was denied admission to a university because of his race, but that didn’t stop him. He kept trying and believing. He didn’t allow rejection, bitterness, or injustice to thwart his drive to be his best. Five years later, he got accepted to another college. Carver kept pushing himself to succeed. The potential inside of him would not lie dormant. Rather, he discovered it; and in the process, he revolutionized agricultural science. Today he is well known for his many contributions and discoveries of hundreds of uses for the peanut and other crops.

What makes one’s life a success story when there are so many good excuses to fall far below our potential, and so many good reasons to fail? According to George Washington Carver, the majority of failures come from “the habit of making excuses.” What was Carver’s excuse? He could have listed them! So what is our excuse?

Following are 6 common excuses for failure:

1. We fail when we are not true to ourselves. That is, we do not value our uniqueness and all that we have to offer. We may not realize the tremendous potential inside of us until we accept that we are special and loved. This above all, to thine own self be true. ~William Shakespeare

2. We fail when we feel sorry for ourselves. Self-pity keeps us from trying or believing we deserve better. We feel bad for ourselves and may even feel we are being punished when we fail. There is no failure except in no longer trying. ~Elbert Hubbard

3. We fail because a lack of effort. We have to work at whatever we want to accomplish. Most good things in life don’t just fall into our laps. We have to go after them. Applying effort might require us to learn something new or do things outside of our comfort zones. The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win. ~Roger Banniter

4. We fail because we complain. If things seem too difficult or unfair, we complain instead of accept the challenge and push ahead. We get negative and angry so we stop trying, and we blame others instead of taking responsibility. The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail. ~Napoleon Hill

5. We fail because we do not believe. We might lack confidence in ourselves and not believe we are capable of succeeding at something. Looking at the mountains of negative circumstances will also keep our eyes fixed on the problem and off the possibilities for success. All things are possible to him that believes. ~Mark 9:23

6. We fail because we quit. This is the greatest failure of all. When we lose our hope, we want to quit. We start to think nothing can or will work out for us or get any better. This is an attitude of defeat that keeps us from picking ourselves back up and persisting until things turn around. ~There is no failure except in no longer trying ~Elbert Hubbard


Do any of these excuses sound familiar to you? Has the habit of making excuses kept you from living a successful and fulfilling life? Only you can make the decision to be the successful person you were born to be. Only you can decide to change bad habits of defeat into good habits of success. No one can do it for you. It’s up to you to take command of your life and begin believing the truth about who you are and your unlimited potential to succeed!

My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure. ~Abraham Lincoln


Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com All Rights Reserved.
Written by Krytstal Kuehn,MA,LPC,LLP,NCC
NewDayCounseling.org Counseling, Michigan

Relationship Advice: Love is...Humble

True expressions of love are said to come from a source which lies beneath words and thoughts. ~W. Timothy Gallwey

A humble person is certainly a pleasant person to be around and that is because humble people are not self-centered or self-seeking. They are modest and not at all arrogant or boastful. They do not draw attention to themselves, but they are drawn to others. They do not need praise and approval to feel good about themselves. When they are overlooked, they are not driven by frustration to make themselves known. When their good intentions are ridiculed, they are able to keep from retaliating. They can humbly submit to one of less stature than themselves if necessary without rebellion or resentment.

Humility is love unseen. It is love that is veiled and not directly recognized, yet humility is motivated by love. A person who is genuinely humble doesn’t think they are better or more important than other people. They have proper respect for everyone regardless of who they are or what they have done. That doesn’t mean that they allow others to take advantage of them. Nor does it mean that they lack confidence and fear asserting themselves. Sometimes people confuse humility with weakness and blind compliance. Or even assume that someone who degrades themselves is a humble person. This is certainly not the case. It takes great strength to live a life of humility.

Humility communicates love. Humble people are:

Ready to admit when they are wrong

Able to say they are sorry

Not afraid to ask for help when they need it

Patient when misunderstood

Not fearful of what others think about them

Confident in who they are and don’t feel a need to prove themselves

Teachable and willing to learn from their mistakes

Not judgmental of others or backbiters

Not easily offended

Most people find it difficult to humble themselves or even admit when they have been humbled. It can be extremely uncomfortable and it hurts our pride. It is so much easier to defend ourselves and blame others, and to exalt and try to prove ourselves. Humility is certainly a challenge to most people. It can be a real stumbling block in our love walk, or it can become a stepping stone to greater love if we will allow it to be.... continue


Copyright © 2006 Kuehn. All Rights Reserved.
Love is Humble is Part 7 of The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships


Join the BeHappy4Life.com discussion* on facebook:

David Letterman recently made a public confession and apology to his wife and staff. He said his wife “has been horribly hurt by my behavior, and when something happens like that, if you hurt a person and it's your responsibility, you try to fix it." What do you think?

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The Power of Habit

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. ~Aristotle

I recently came across this poem and I really appreciate it. BeHappy4Life.com is founded on the belief that we can be our best and live a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love by the choices we make and the habits we develop and practice. May these words inspire and motivate you to change some bad habits and develop good habits for life! Krystal

THE POWER OF HABIT

I am your constant companion.
I am your greatest helper or your heaviest burden.
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am completely at your command.
Half the things you do you might as well turn over to me,
And I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.
I am easily managed; you must merely be firm with me.
Show me exactly how you want something done,
And after a few lessons I will do it automatically.
I am the servant of all great individuals
And, alas, of all failures as well.
Those who are great I have made great
Those who are failures I have made failures.
I am not a machine,
Though I work with all the precision of a machine
Plus the intelligence of a human being.
You may run me for profit or run me for ruin;
It makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me,
And I will put the world at your feet
Be easy with me, and I will destroy you.
Who am I?

I am habit!

~author unknown

I highly recommend the old classic called The Greatest Salesman in the World. It addresses what I strongly believe in: the keys to real joy, successful relationships, and a fulfilling life. It begins with the importance of habits. Good habits are essential to all success. We all have bad habits we've developed, but we can replace them with good habits and change our lives!

Optimism - Simply a Good Attitude

We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow, we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change. ~John Maxwell

What kind of thoughts come to your mind when you think about your life? How about your family, your work, your future? Suppose your thoughts could change your destiny. Would you want to change or improve any of them?

We might believe our thoughts just happen, and we do not consider the fact that we can choose to stop certain thoughts and refocus. We can choose what we accept and meditate on, and we can choose what we resist and reject. Our thoughts shape the attitudes that direct our lives. We make decisions based on our attitudes and beliefs.

Thoughts lead to other related thoughts. When they are hopeful and positive, we develop a good attitude. Likewise, a bad attitude results when a habit of negative thoughts dominate our thinking. For example, suppose you feel hurt that your friend did not invite you to lunch. You might begin to think that it is because she does not want you to come. That thought may lead to you wondering if she really likes you. Maybe you did something wrong. Maybe there is something wrong with you. You feel angry and rejected. You dwell on the offense and have a bad attitude. If you hold on to it, it might come out as rejection and bitterness toward your friend.

Hurt and angry feelings affect our choices and attitudes. We might not be able to control how we feel, but we can control how we direct our thoughts. Suppose you were to stop the negative cycle after feeling hurt that you were not invited. There could be many good reasons why your friend did not ask you to join her. Maybe she just wanted to go alone and it had nothing to do with you. You would have liked to go, but it is okay. You can choose to not dwell on the offense and negative feelings. You can refocus. Forgive and release it. If need be, talk to her about it.

Our thinking patterns become habits and attitudes. Optimism and pessimism are the result of the kinds of thoughts we choose to dominate our thought life and perspective. If we were to live by these words of wisdom, we would spare ourselves of the negativity that keeps us from fulfilling our potential and purpose: Fill your mind and meditate on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. (Philippians 4:8).

We can choose to occupy our minds with the best in people or situations, rather than the worst. We can choose to see the beauty and splendor of every rose rather than its thorns and ugliness. We can notice and praise what is right and good rather than dwell on mistakes or problems. We can hold on to hope rather than submit to despair. We can appreciate and embrace what we have and all is before us rather than live in regret of the past. We can choose to live today as best as we can because that is all we have right now.

It is your choice: you can either count your blessings or recount your disappointments. ~Jim Gallery

We should not deny the pain of what happens in our lives.
But, we should refuse to focus only on the valleys. ~Charles Swindoll

Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. ~Max Lucado

Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com,
written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
NewDayCounseling.org

Employed for Life & Never Out of Work

Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something which must be done, whether you like it or not. Work breeds a hundred virtues that idleness never knows. ~Charles Kingsley

Work keeps our minds occupied. It forces us to set and meet goals that lead to a sense of accomplishment. It encourages us to put our skills and talents to use. Work helps us to develop confidence in what we can do and how we can contribute. It connects us to other people. It is an essential part of our lives and a human need.

So how about those who have lost their jobs and cannot find work? Or, how about those with a disability or illness that leaves them unable to join the workforce? Are they resigned to feel idle, useless, or bored? Absolutely not! So long as we are alive, there is work for us to do. Getting paid for a job is not the only thing that constitutes real work. Work is any assignment, duty, or undertaking. It is anything that keeps us busy using our energy in positive ways. It includes simple things like giving someone a ride to the store, mowing the lawn, researching an idea, praying for a need, helping a neighbor, tucking children into bed, cleaning the house, preparing dinner, calling a lonely friend. All of these activities require some effort and skill. They all contribute to making life better or easier for someone. And they all require a willingness to give and to do what we are able.

Every morning presents us with new work opportunities for the day. There may be things we will enjoy and look forward to and others that we will dislike and even dread. But there is always something for us to do. If we are already busy and occupied with plenty to do, it would be wise for us to prioritize our time and make the best use of it. However, if we have more time on our hands than we know what to do with, we ought to invest our time in some short and long term goals that are important to us.

Time spent can never be retrieved. Once it is gone, it is gone. All that is left are memories and the consequences of the choices we have made. Let us not waste time. Wasting time is like letting life pass us by. It is letting dreams die and relationships fade. It is missing our potential and settling for less than we were meant to be. May we choose to appreciate our days and use our time with wisdom and purpose today and always.

Teach us to number our days and recognize how few they are; help us to spend them as we should. ~Psalm 90:12







Copyright © 2009 written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
BeHappy4Life.com, New Day Family & Couples Counseling

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling, child teenage counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Krystal is also author of several other blogs: Be Your Best, Give Thanks Journal, & Baby Poems blog and The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships.










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Anger Management: What Are You So Angry About, Really?

When you strike out in anger, you might miss the other person, but you will always hit yourself. ~Jim Gallery

Striking out with angry words is the cause of so many relationship problems. Words are powerful. They can encourage, strengthen, and change destinies. They can also destroy potential and robs us of hope and peace. Most major fires begin with just a small flame. Before long the fire spreads and becomes more and more difficult to contain. It damages or completely destroys everything in its path. Do we realize how quickly unmanaged anger can do significant damage? And as the quote above humorously expresses, anger always hurts the angry person. Sometimes even more so than those to whom it is directed. That is because we cannot have both peace and bitterness in our hearts. An angry person loses his or her peace and joy. Anger obstructs the expression of love, and without love there is no true happiness.

We all get angry. It is inevitable. But, not all anger is bad. We have heard stories of people who have made major contributions to society, fought against injustices, and made positive life changes as they were motivated by righteous anger. Problematic anger, on the other hand, is usually explosive, hidden, or denied. If not faced and dealt with, anger hinders our ability to have healthy and loving relationships.

So how do we deal with anger? We can begin by recognizing the underlying emotions that lead up to our negative reactions such as feelings of hurt, frustration, shame, rejection, fear, jealousy. The next time you feel angry, ask yourself What emotion is behind my anger? You may begin to see a pattern. For example, a woman gets angry every time her boyfriend is late for their meeting. She realizes that his tardiness makes her feel rejected and this leads to her angry outbursts. What is the underlying problem that needs to be addressed? Rejection. How about the boyfriend who expresses his anger by shutting down when his girlfriend tries to engage him in conversation? As he identifies the pattern, he realizes that he feels jealous every time she talks to other guys. He tries to hide his anger and does not express his feelings to her directly, so he pulls away instead.

Anger does not have to bring ruin to our lives and relationships. There are healthy and effective ways to manage it. I have briefly discussed the underlying emotions of anger and the importance of dealing with the causes. If you need more help in this area, I highly recommend participating in an anger management group. It can be an extremely supportive and helpful resource to equip you with many tools for a better life.

Above all else, may peace rule in our hearts, Krystal

Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it. ~Brian Tracy

Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com,
written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
NewDayCounseling.org

For more info on Anger Management Classes in the MetroDetroit Area, Click here:
NewDayCounseling AngerManagement

Remember 911

I recently came across this beautiful quote:
Close your eyes and you will see everything you actually possess.

In a world of materialism and self-indulgence, it’s easy to get distracted from what is most important and valuable to us. You have probably heard of the wealthy executive who paid for his “success” with his health that he could never buy back. Or the workaholic father, wanting to provide his family with the many “things” he thought they needed, kept too busy to give them his time and attention. We can strive to accumulate things, but before we know it, those very things can begin to own us.

Can we buy a happy marriage or family? Good health? True friendship? Peace? Can we attain them by pursuing our materialistic visions and vain indulgences?

I am not only talking about being grateful for what we do have. If we think about it, most of us can say we are truly blessed. I'm talking about priorities. Do our choices and actions reflect what matters most to us?

As we remember 911, I want to think about what matters most in my life and in my country. I remember the tragedy, but I also remember the love. I remember the love that united us as a nation; the love that reached out to those hurting; the love that made sacrifices to help and serve. Remember 911 today and always.

Remembering 911

Life Lessons That Set You Free

True learning can take place at every age of life, and it doesn't have to be in the curriculum plan. ~Suzanne Dale Ezell

It's already September and it's back to school for children as well as adults pursuing higher education. As I was thinking about education, I thought about how we have so many opportunities to continue to learn every single day. If we stop learning, we stop living. Not only does learning help us grow, develop new skills, and prepare us for work and service, but it helps us to know and appreciate our world.

I see education as a gift that leads us to freedom and insight. With education, we can become free of bad habits by learning what steps to take for real change. We can develop new skills by getting the necessary instruction we need. We can make better choices by getting direction that guides our path. We can maximize our potential as we learn more and put into practice what we already know. We can learn and relate to others better by learning from our mistakes.

We are never too young or too old to learn something new. We just need to apply ourselves, listen, and learn. I believe education is freedom because the truth sets us free. Ignorance leads to bondage and keeps us from becoming all we can be. Let's encourage our children to value education and do their best. Develop a love for learning. Show respect for those who teach us. Seek wisdom, knowledge, and discernment. Learn from the experiences of everyday life. Let mistakes be life lessons. Let problems push us to learn and find solutions. Let challenges motivate us to conquer. And let us be thankful that life is an ongoing education. Living is a learning experience!

May we all have another blessed year of learning and growing!

Krystal

Life Lessons Exercise:

At the end of each day, write down 2-3 things you have learned throughout the day. It can be anything. You may have gained greater insight into something you already had some knowledge about. You may have learned an inspiring truth or a sad reality. You may have learned how to be or not to be from someone else's example. You may have learned a simple lesson from another person's good luck or misfortune. You may have learned that you are more special and loved than you had realized. The list never ends.

This simple exercise can be very empowering. It can help us to recognize and appreciate our daily life experiences. It can help us to grow and become better than we were as we reflect and allow ourselves to learn from all life has to teach us.

Life is a journey and an educational experience. What have you learned today?


Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com,
written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
NewDayCounseling.org

Marriage Advice: Save Your Marriage with a Getaway? & 4 Warning Signs of a Neglected Marriage

He who returns from a journey is not the same as he who left.
-- Chinese Proverb

When was the last time you took a vacation? A family vacation is one thing, but I am talking about a couples vacation—just you and your spouse. Are you about due yet? If you want to do more than just get away, read on. Vacations can help to refresh and revive relationships. It is like breathing fresh air into them, reenergizing them with greater intimacy and deeper love.

By definition, vacation is time devoted to rest and relaxation as from work or study. So if you are wondering if it is something you can afford, think of it this way. It is something you cannot afford to go without. Without devoted time for rest and relaxation, we get burned out on our jobs, and lose our effectiveness and interest. How about our marriages? They suffer also. Couples grow apart, experience less satisfaction, and are more irritable with each other.

So how can couples keep their relationships healthy and strong? By devoting quality time to them, that is, time away from all that keeps them busy and distracted. Studies show that couples who schedule periodic dates and spend more time together are more satisfied with their marriages than those who don’t. How often do you devote time to be alone together? Whether it’s a date or vacation, spending time together is an investment with great returns.

With no interference from work or home, periodic getaways with our spouses allow us to focus on each other, share memorable life experiences together, and simply have fun. Did you ever experience something enjoyable and wish your partner had been there to share it with you? Well, getaways provide opportunities to create cherished and lifelong memories. Vacations with your partner are about being together in body, soul, and spirit. They are times that bring great fulfillment and wholeness to the relationship. And they are times couples need for their relationships to thrive.

Before you go on vacation you don't want to have any grudges, resentment, or unforgiveness toward one another. It is healthy to release any negative baggage and work through unresolved issues before you go. Otherwise, there is a very good chance they will come up directly or indirectly in a bad attitude, sarcasm, or distancing. The focus ought to be on the strengths of the relationship. You can both make a commitment to overlook minor annoyances and notice the good not the bad. If you are unable to so, then I recommend counseling before you go on a vacation and maybe start with dating first.

Getaways don’t have to be expensive. The real goal is to enjoy being together, to value that time, and to grow and appreciate the beauty of life and gift of love. When planning your special times together, be sure to consider fun things you both like to do, something new you can experience, and romantic and playful ways to enjoy one another. Turn off the cell phones, forget about work, leave your cares behind, and devote quality time to the love of your life. Enjoy each other!



4 Warning Signs of a Neglected Marriage:

1. Priorities out of order. If you devote most of your extra time and attention to anything above God and your spouse, your relationships will suffer. We see this with workaholics. Whether their work is their passion or an escape, it becomes their top priority at all costs. Their spouses and children feel the affects and it damages the most precious gift they are blessed with: family. Anything that comes first in a person’s life can get out of balance and become an idol. It can be an addiction such as pornography or drugs. It can be can an interest or hobby such as sports or entertainment. If a relationship is a top priority, more quality time and attention will be devoted to it. What are your top 5 priorities? Do your actions and devotions support your answer? Where does your spouse place on your list? Would he or she agree?

2. Divided attention. Too often we can be in someone’s company and find that they aren’t fully present. Physically they are, but their thoughts and occupations are elsewhere. They are answering text messages and cell calls. They are distracted by competing cries for their attention. Focus is lost and shifted to other things, and it leaves others feeling less important, alone, or in the way. Divided attention doesn’t have to become an ongoing problem with couples. Appropriate limits and boundaries can be set. Have you been guilty of allowing distractions to draw you away from your partner? If they have been excessive, what can you do limit them? Ask your partner how he or she feels about it and what would be an acceptable solution.

3. Missing Quality Time. When couples don’t spend enough quality time together, they begin to get bored in the relationship. A lack of fun and sharing can lead them to think there is something wrong with their marriage. This leads to confusion about their feelings. Some wonder if they fell out of love, when in fact they haven’t been investing time with each other and fanning the flame to keep their passion and love for each other fully alive. Investing in a relationship takes time and work. Relationships that are neglected grow weak and routine. How satisfied are you with your marriage? How much quality time do you spend with your partner? What enjoyable things do you together for excitement?

4. Over-Stressed. With many responsibilities at work, home, and school in this face-paced society, it is no wonder that many are stressed. Without enough time for rest and relaxation, stress can lead to burnout and irritability as well as relationship and health problems. Reducing stress not only improves ones outlook and energy, it improves relationships. A calm and peaceful state of being brings out the best in us. We are more patient, kind, and content. Is stress weighing on your marriage? What, if anything, are you doing to manage stress?

So, how can getaways help in the 4 key areas we addressed above? First, we decide that time devoted to spend with our spouse is a top priority. Second, we leave all distracting devices and attention seekers behind. Third, we decide to enjoy and appreciate each other’s company by sharing and doing things we enjoy together. Fourth, we release stress and allow peace to fill us and restore us.


Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com,
written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
NewDayCounseling.org

You Can Succeed with Love

I recently came across an old classic called The Greatest Salesman in the World. It addresses what I strongly believe in: the keys to real joy, successful relationships, and a fulfilling life. It begins with the importance of habits. Good habits are essential to all success. We all have bad habits we've developed, but we can replace them with good habits and change our lives! Following is a short excerpt from Scroll II. If you want the answers to the questions listed, check out the book. It's enjoyable, captivating, and empowering. Krystal


I will greet this day with love in my heart. How will I do this?

Henceforth will I look on all things with love and I will be born again. I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit. I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars. I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge.

How will I speak?
How will I act?
How will I react to the actions of others?
How will I confront each whom I meet?
How will I love myself?

If I have no other qualities I can succeed with love alone. Without it I will fail though I possess all the knowledge and skills of the world.

I will greet this day with love and I will succeed.


excerpt from the remarkable book:
The Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino

Financial Stress: 5 Ways Couples Can Survive and Prosper

All couples face financial stress at one time or another. Financial stress is not only caused by a lack of money or work, it also results from different spending styles, money management, and ways of coping with stress and life challenges. It can lead to major relationship problems and even separation. Money matters are one of the most common causes for divorce. When a financial crisis occurs, couples are forced to cope with changes that can be uncomfortable or cause one or both partners to feel resentment towards the other. The strain can lead to increased irritability, pressure, insecurity, and fear.

The challenges couples face quickly become more than a financial problem, and that is why many breakups and divorces occur. It hurts the relationship in all areas. If not handled in a healthy manner, financial stress can lead to:

Increased conflict & irritability
Distancing/Withdrawal
Fears, worries, insecurities
Blame and Underlying resentment
Depression/Anxiety
Physical symptoms/illness
Decreased affection/Sex life
Problems with changing roles & lifestyle

Following are some tips to help couples better cope with financial challenges that put strain on their relationship.

1. The first thing couples must do is come in agreement that they will make it through this challenge together. They are to see each other as partners. They are in this together. They are a team and together they will overcome.

2. If there are underlying issues of blame and anger, they need to be dealt with as soon as possible until there is a resolve to work together without resentment and/or unforgiveness.

3. Couples must accept the challenge as another way that their relationship will be put to the test. Reaffirming their commitment to each other despite what they are going through will help them to keep their focus and priorities straight.

4. Rather than shut down or withdraw, couples ought to communicate their feelings to each other. Communicating feelings of anxiety or pressure allows them to offer the support, comfort, and hope that is needed and can help significantly in coping with the situation.

5. Couples can help each other maintain an attitude that is hopeful and positive. Couples that pray together, stay together. Rather than focusing on the problem, couples can focus on the solution. Instead of talking about how bad things are or how bad they can get, couples can make the best of the situation and focus on the good things they do have. They can set new goals to make things better. They can brainstorm new ways of spending time together without spending much money. They can find new ways to connect and enjoy each other.

The strain on relationships caused by financial stress does not need to damage or destroy them. Instead, it can and will make them stronger if couples are willing to work with each other as they go through the process together of adjusting to the changes, and accepting new roles and different lifestyles. And, keep believing that things can and will get better. Tough times don’t last forever. Things will get better if they do not give up on each other and the situation. Couples who work together during trying times ultimately find that their relationships become stronger and more fulfilling.

C2009 Krystal Kuehn


I wrote this article in response to an interview for The Detroit News. To read more on the topic, check out the published article: "Worried about money, sex, kids? Be a Team" by Erin Chan Ding (The Detroit News and Free Press, April 19, 2009).

Happy Orthodox Easter!

As a first generation American of Macedonian descent, I have always celebrated Easter on the traditional day as well as the Eastern Orthodox date. So to those who also celebrate tomorrow I wish you a Happy Easter!

Here is my song of praise. I played it on my classical guitar. I hope you enjoy it.

Does not all nature around me praise God? If I were silent, I should be an exception to the universe. Does not the thunder praise Him as it rolls like drums in the march of the God of armies? Do not the mountains praise Him when the woods upon their summits wave in adoration? Does not the lightening write His name in letters of fire? Has not the whole earth a voice? And shall I, can I, silent be? ~Charles H. Spurgeon

Help Save My Marriage: What are We Holding On to?

You know something is wrong in your marriage. Love is not the problem. You love each other although you do not always act like it. Commitment to the relationship and to stay together through hardships may not be the problem either. But, there is something that continues to keep you apart emotionally, physically, intimately.

There was a time when you felt secure and safe together. If you hurt each other, you apologized or showed somehow that you were really sorry. You did not let tensions build or hold grudges. You wanted to continue getting along and enjoying being together. But over time, some conflicts never really got resolved. They could have been pushed under the rug or become triggers to major blowouts. Over time, habits and differences became more annoying and more difficult to accept. Blame instead of shared responsibility became the norm. Personal attacks or insults became the more common reaction to feeling rejected, angry, or hurt. Instead of going to each other for support, comfort, and love, you began to distance yourselves from each other. It is as though your hearts were growing cold.

Distancing in a relationship keeps people apart on all levels. You do not have the trust you once had for your partner so you do not draw close emotionally. You do not feel the same affection and attraction because there is greater focus on what you do not like, respect, or appreciate about your partner. Distancing leads to greater problems if couples do not make efforts to draw close to one another.

What keeps couples in this dangerous state? It might start with pride or a sense of self-sufficiency, but it eventually becomes a hardened heart. A heart that is hardened blocks the flow of love. It forfeits peace and acceptance. It holds on to unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is detrimental to any marriage or relationship. With unforgiveness, there is an underlying attitude that “you owe me.” Yes, perhaps, an apology was never given that should have been or you were not treated right. Maybe you were terribly wronged, mistreated, and hurt. Forgiving someone does not make it okay. What it does is set you free, free to love unconditionally, free to know inner peace, free to connect with others on a deeper level, free to enjoy life.

Offenses and injustices need to be discussed and resolved. If they are not addressed in a relationship, they can lead to serious problems and keep a couple in a state of discontent. Think about anything that you have been holding on to that has blocked the flow of love in your heart. A hard heart can be softened, but you must choose to let love in. Will you open your heart? Will you face what has hurt you and work through it until you can release the hold it has on you?

Can a marriage be saved when there is unforgiveness and hardened hearts? Yes, it can when you decide to open your heart by releasing all that is holding love back. Let love in. Love is a healing balm that makes you whole—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Love unites. If softens and fills you with hope and peace. It lifts the heaviness that weighed you down for far too long. Marriages can be restored when offenses are released and forgiveness takes place. Soften your hearts towards one another and make room for love to grow. Love has always been there, but it was blocked. Let forgiveness unblock its flow today and save your marriage!


Copyright © 2009 Krystal Kuehn. This article is a part of the Help Save My Marriage collection by Krystal.

For more info on great resources, free programs, and help for relationships, go to BeHappy4Life.com.

Let's Celebrate Easter Every Day!

Easter is often celebrated with egg hunts, chocolate bunnies, and baskets. It's a fun holiday and a very significant one well. Easter is all about God's love. Because He lives, we have hope. No matter what we are going through, we can overcome with His help. Because He lives, we have an eternal love that heals, comforts, and fills us with purpose and peace. Receive His love today and you will have something to celebrate every day!

I love this classic song. I play it at many of our outreaches. I hope you enjoy it as well.
Holy Holy Holy

Krystal

Help Save My Marriage: What Happened to Our Vows?

Passion can never purchase what true love desires:
true intimacy, self-giving, and commitment.


When people make a promise to us, we usually expect and hope that they will keep it. Especially when it is from those we love and care about. We want to trust them and have the security of knowing that we can count on their word.

How about in marriage?
How many people stay committed to their promises?

Think about the marriage vows couples make to each other. Vows are promises. They usually include notions of affection (promises to love and respect one another) as well as faithfulness (promises to remain true and to stay together).

The following is an excerpt of marriage vows made by so many. I’m sure they will sound familiar:

To have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better for worse, for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Why are vows hard to keep sometimes? It is because relationships are hard work! When difficult times come (and they will), when feelings or circumstances change, there is one thing that will keep a couple together and that is their commitment to their marriage.

The real difference between a successful marriage and a troubled one is the level of their commitment to work through problems and challenges. Couples who do not stay committed through the difficult times usually end up getting divorced. Successful couples work on resolving their conflicts. They don’t give up; they stay committed to the relationship.

If they cannot resolve their conflicts together, they seek help. They keep their promises Let us look at some of them again:

They promised: For better or for worse. So when it gets worse, they work together to make it better.

They promised: For richer or poorer. So when financial problems arise, they work together to pull out of them.

They promised: In sickness and in health. If sickness or tragedy strikes, or when they grow old, they cope with the challenges together and support each other in any way they can.

They promised: to love and to cherish. They can do this when they understand that true love is more than a feeling. It is a commitment.

And finally, they promised each other: Till death do us part. That means that they will remain faithful, resist temptations, and stay committed to their marriage for as long as they live.

Now that’s a huge commitment with some very serious promises! I really believe that most couples want their marriages to work. Sometimes what they need more than anything else is some insight and a few skills in key relationship areas such as communication, conflict resolution, money issues, sexuality & intimacy, romance. I know that professional counseling can be of help in many cases. I also recommend a program with proven tips and techniques at HelpSaveMyMarriage.net where thousands of marriages have been saved. Visit today and sign up for a free 6-week mini course.

I hope to encourage you to stay true to your commitments. If necessary, get some help, make needed changes, learn more. Remember, your level of commitment will affect the quality of your marriage.


Passion is the quickest to develop and the quickest to fade.
Intimacy develops more slowly,
and commitment more gradually still.
~Robert Sternberg


Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com, written by Krystal Kuehn This article is based on the BeHappy4Life Audio Podcast: Help Save My Marriage by Krystal Kuehn.

Help Save My Marriage: Are We Falling Out of Love?

Before a marriage or relationship ends, one or both partners usually claim that they are no longer “in love”. The passion, affection, and harmony that were once present are now replaced with disagreements, emotional withdrawal and physical distancing.

Relationships grow and develop as partners change and adapt to life and each other. It is an ongoing process. At the beginning of a new relationship, love is intoxicating. Differences and incompatibilities go unnoticed. This highly enjoyable stage of a relationship doesn’t last forever. Soon after the excitement wears off, partners have an opportunity to get to know and accept each other for who they really are. It is at this point that they discover the hard work that happy and successful relationships require.

Every relationship has conflicts. When they arise, a couple’s love and commitment will be tested. The real difference between a successful marriage or relationship and a troubled one is the level of their commitment to work through problems and challenges. Couples who do not stay committed through the difficult times usually end up getting divorced. Successful couples work on resolving their conflicts. They persevere and stay committed to the relationship. If they cannot resolve their conflicts together, they seek help. On the contrary, a relationship with unresolved conflicts grows distant. Eventually, layers upon layers of hurt feelings, insecurities, and unresolved issues develop which lead to more serious relationship problems.

Most couples want their marriages to work. For most, it’s a matter of rekindling their love and acceptance of one another, learning how to resolve conflicts, becoming better listeners, and resolving to stay committed to each other. There is no perfect marriage or relationship. Marriages go through changes and allow partners to grow closer and deeper in love as a result.

Falling out of love usually means falling out of commitment. If you want to fall back in love, it begins with a commitment to your partner. Are you willing to resolve your conflicts when they occur rather than ignore them or let them escalate? Share your feelings and thoughts with love and acceptance rather than criticism and judgment? Focus on what you like about each other rather than what can be improved? Accept your differences and agree that you can disagree and still love and respect each other? Be thankful for and appreciate your partner? Make time for each other? Show your partner respect and love every day? Get professional help if you need it?

Being in love is one of the greatest experiences in the world. It’s more than a good feeling that eventually fades. It’s an intimate connection with another human being unlike any other. It involves a life commitment that surpasses feelings and reaches deep into the soul where true love resides. This love lasts forever and is unconditional. It is not dependent upon feelings or circumstances. It is eternal and true. It is a love every marriage can experience.

Relationships can be restored. Love can be rekindled. Marriages can be happy and succeed. Sometimes what is needed more than anything else is some insight and a few skills in key relationship areas such as communication, commitment, sexuality and intimacy, conflict resolution, money issues, romance, crisis, cheat-proofing your marriage. You can find all this plus a free 6-week mini-course at HelpSaveMyMarriage.net where thousands of marriages have been saved.

Rather than enduring an unhappy or troubled marriage, or becoming another statistic of divorce, make today a new day of commitment to your marriage! Get the help that can make all the difference and save your relationship today!

C2009 Krystal Kuehn

Keys to Getting Over a Break-up

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~author unknown

Someone recently asked me:

How do you get over a break-up?

Following is the answer that may help you too:

When a relationship ends, we experience all kinds of feelings of loss. Maybe we lost our best friend and lover, someone we truly love, someone we had future plans and dreams with. It takes time to heal from a break-up. It’s a process of letting to. Letting go is sometimes difficult. But regardless of why the relationship ended, there are some things we can do to help us move forward. We can ask ourselves:

What am I holding on to? If it’s anger, we can work on forgiveness. If we’re holding on to disappointed hopes, we can set new goals for ourselves.

What is worth holding on to? Anything that we have learned that can help us to grow and be better is worth holding on to. We also have memories we can cherish of the love shared and good times together.

Finally, when we truly want nothing but the best for the other person, we are free to find the best in ourselves.


There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go is not the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life. ~author unknown


We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us. ~Joseph Campbell


You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind. ~author unknown

How to Make 2009 the Best Year Yet!

Did you make any New Year's Resolutions?

Most of us like to start the new year with hopes and plans for a good year. The past is behind us and we carry over the blessings, memories, and lessons it has taught us. But today is a new day, a new year, and we can start fresh. We can have new beginnings and set new goals.

What would you like to be different this coming year? Maybe you want to get in better shape, lose some weight, get out of debt, break bad habits and begin healthy ones, donate your time and/or finances, contribute to the community, make a positive difference in other's lives, and the list goes on.

Research shows that most New Year's resolutions are not kept for very long. We have good intentions and maybe start out with determination and confidence, but soon after our enthusiasm dies out. Oftentimes our resolutions are more challenging than we had expected. Maybe this year we can approach the new year with just one goal that will help us to meet all the others: to live a more positive and grateful life. A postiive and grateful life helps us to stay strong in our faith, persist, dream, set goals, love others and treat them with kindness and respect. Real fulfillment and joy can be ours this year as we commit to being our best.

Make 2009 the best year yet by being the best you can be. It starts with you - your thinking, your attitude, your love walk, you faith, your perpective, your commitment, your persistence, your choices. We don't know what this new year will bring, but we can resolve to make the best of 2009 as we make the best of ourselves. God bless you and may this year be your best ever! Krystal

Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com, written by Krystal Kuehn

For 100s of free resources and tools to help you develop healthy habits and fulfilling relationships, go to BeHappy4Life.com.